Burning Butterflies
by XxHDMxX
Summary: He is not your lovable Kyle Brofloski. He is not the way many portray him in constant cliché storylines. He is not only a threat to everyone he comes into contact but to himself. He is the antagonist in his own story. KylexStan, KylexKen. Notice plz read!
1. DieAry Entry

**Burning Butterflies**

Chapter One

Die-Ary Page

Information: You read a lot of slashes on fanfiction, where the character telling the story is in love with the best friend and so on. Well in this particular category, it's most of the time Stan and Kyle. Well, you don't read a lot where the character telling the story is the one being loved. Let's put another twist, shall we? What happens when this character doesn't return the feelings? In this story, the character is Kyle Brofloski; this is his story. This is his die-ary entry and he'll tell us who he is and what we'll expect as this story goes on.

**Die-Ary First Entry**

I'm Kyle, the little Jew who coined the insult "You basterd!" for years. I wore that orange coat and green hat when I was a kid, my trademark I guess; the hat I still wear to this day (it hid my red curls when I was a kid and for good reasons). I'm the kid that had the bitch of a mom but got pissed if anyone said she was. I was that kid with the high grades in school but liked to play sports...except baseball. I'm the kid who got that awful negroplastic surgery. I was the kid who was attached to the hip of Stan Marsh. I was the kid who got every Jewish joke thrown at him by his "friend" Eric Cartman. I was that kid and other various things I don't feel like mentioning. Then again, that is the past...I wonder what the fuck happened...

If you took a look at me now, I'm so much different than when I was eight. Then again, I am seventeen so there are obvious changes. My hair straightened out over the years so I'm not a curly headed kid...thank God. I dyed the bottom half of my hair black a random day...the main reason was to piss off my mother. I have my ears gauged and I have an eyebrow and lip piercing. The swelling went down only a week ago...I got so much shyt about having a fat lip it was so annoying...oh well.

I have been playing the guitar for almost five years. My guitar is black with blue lightning painted on the bottom. It's my baby...I'm very obsessed with it. I tried to skate but I can't do it for shit...I can barely walk without tripping. I guess I'm still good at school but my friends say I don't have enough common sense to fill a toy car...I guess that's bad. They don't give me credit; I do have it I just don't feel like using it some days. I think I have an ON and OFF switch and it's usually OFF. I write stories some days, but most of them are about some guy going insane...I mean who in their right mind makes up a character just so they have a mental problem and is never happy? (1)

I draw some stuff, I'm okay but what would I know? Kenny asked me to draw an anime chick from some show on this poster in his room for five bucks. You wonder why, I mean she looks like she has M's! Oh well, he's the pervert of the group. People think of me as the a little fuckin' prodigy because I am not a drooling imbecile. I do get bored with one thing and I went to another, I can't ever keep to one project. I say I do all these things but I won't do it for months. So, really I stick to one thing for maybe a couple weeks and then go to something else. T'yeah, some prodigy...

Mom tried to take me to a doctor to get my head examined. She says I'm too inattentive for my age. The prick said I had ADD, but then again I don't believe South Park's medical staff. I'm supposed to take these pills to keep me focus but I usually forget, defeat the whole purpose, ne? She also took me to a shrink because "I'm going to turn into a satanic dog eater if I don't stop" or some other bullshit reason. The one question the doc asked stuck with me.

"Are you happy with this way of life you chose?" I look at her and stared. "Are you happy with your choice?" I asked her. "Kyle, I ask the ques-" but I cut her off. "No, you think that I'm weird or deranged or disturbed or some other bullshit reason just because I like alternative music, dress weird in your eyes, or other reason. Christ, you thought I was suicidal because my mother told you I wrote morbid stories! I am not an animal to stare at; can I not walk out of my house without being ridiculed? I am a person and you have no right to judge if my lifestyle is worse than yours."

I was asked to leave the office after that...

I was playing with my pocketknife the other day during gym class...I was suspended for a day. Then a rumor started that I was a cutter. That died when I confronted the kid who started it and his head met locker. Despite that rumor I'm pretty well liked around school and I really don't have a problem with anyone. I don't want to exclude myself from the rest of the kids just because I like different things, which are what the Goths are for...they really don't have any other purpose.

Okay, let's talk about the guys. I've been writing so much about me you would think I'm inartistic...maybe I am. Stan is the typical American All-star quarterback, the typical perfect girlfriend, the typical life. He was the first to object to my "change" if I may use that word. He thought I was going to hang out with the Goth kids but to his surprise I stuck with the group. I was at first pissed off that he would care but I got over it...I can understand, he thought he was losing his best friend. Other than that he's a cool guy. He's a bit of a push over and a people pleaser...most would abuse that...and they do. His girlfriend whips the kid and takes advantage of his kindness. Some day I wish he'll stick up for himself...but that's where I come in...

Girls love him and guys wanna be him and blah blah fucking blah. Don't get me wrong, I have nothing against the kid, he's still my best friend after all. That doesn't mean I can't take him down a peg or two...since his ego is as big as Godzilla. He's a good friend though; he has never put our friendship second when it came to Wendy or basically anything. There are just things we don't have in common, like I don't care about sport statistics and he don't care for which guitarist is the best soloist...but don't get me started on that...

Cartman...no matter how you dress him he's still an asshole. He's still heavy set but not too much like when we were kids. He writes for the high school paper, The Cow's Bull-itan. The only thing that's remotely interesting is Cartman's "factual information" about the people in the school. Last week it was all about how the principal was a hermaphadite. He still harasses me about being Jewish but his new thing is calling me Goth or EmoSkater or some other bullshit. I have my insults...and then I have my head spinners and sarcasm and other ways to fuck with the dumbass's head.

Kenny is...still Kenny except he doesn't die to put lame in terms. We've become better friends in high school when he got himself a bass and started to listen to a lot of metal. We usually go to my house and play random songs. It's a popular belief that Kenny is bi-sexual, but that's because we joke around. He "acts gay" with Cartman to get him pissed. Kenny is cool; he's just gets a lot of sex in and likes certain things people would frown upon. My mom hates him; she says he's a bad influence and he's the reason I've changed. Bullshit, I "changed" before Kenny got into metal so how did that happen? She just wants a reason to hate him, and I can't stand her for that.

Now... the subject of girls...

I've been dating off an on with different girls for about a year now. I don't like to be tied down so having a steady girlfriend isn't my top priority. I don't just dump girls because I get bored or I can't have sex with them, I know it's rare but I'm not an asshole. I'm the one that's usually the problem...they just can't stand my...quirks. Some girls don't like the fact I don't want sex until I'm ready...but go figure. My last girlfriend was this guitarist from a band up in North Park. We were together for about five months, my longest relationship. I found out that she was lesbian and she was cheating on me with her drummer. Well, isn't that a shot in the heel? Here's a piece of our conversation:

"Kyle, we need to talk about something..."

"Okay, what's up, babe?"

"Kyle, I'm gay...I've decided to be with Cherie..."

"What!"

"I hope you can understand...are you okay with this?"

"Oh yeah, I'm fine, I just found out my girlfriend rather hump a dyke than be with me because I'm obviously not giving her satisfaction but noOo I'm okay!"

"You're such a fuckin' asshole! You're blowing it out of proportion!"

"My dear, you're the asshole here..."

She got pissed with me, but fuck her. Kenny got a laugh out of it, that's for sure. His answer to that was "Well that's what you get for not fucking her stupid...she turns dyke on you!" Stan tried to reassure me that he knew that she looked butch to him so I shouldn't feel too bad...was that supposed to make me feel better I'll never know. Despite that incident I don't have problems on getting girls. It's just the ones I get are usually not what I expected. I guess I'll never get a grip on dating or girls in general.

Despite popular belief I am not gay...

That was a rumor in eighth grade because I didn't kiss girls. First of all, all the girls were bitches and second of all I don't just hook up for hooking up sakes. When high school rolled around, that's when I started meeting girls. At first, I didn't mind if a gay kid would come up for my number because I admit that I would joke around with the guys about that. Then, it just got to the point on where I was being harassed by the every flamer in Colorado! Maybe it's the fact I want to date girls but I attract more guys...someone help me!

God, I wrote a lot in this journal thing. I guess I just never get out my feelings in any other way but writing something. My parents are too busy with their perfect son and their lives. I tried to talk to my dad about my band I'm starting but he just shooed me out of his study because he said it was nonsense. I want to beat them in the fucking skull! Ike is perfect with the perfect grades and the perfect manners and the perfect charm...he even has the perfect girlfriend! He doesn't even think of me as an older brother...just wasted skin...I can't stand it...

I ran away and stayed over Stan's house for the weekend before his parents called mine. While I was there we stayed up till five AM just talking. He would talk about Wendy and I would play my guitar. Honestly, I can't stand the girl. She's the number one in our class and she thinks her shyt don't stink. (I could've put this paragraph up where I wrote about Stan but I'm bad at staying on topic) She doesn't like the fact Stan is still my friend. She tried so many times for him to ditch me...even go to the extreme on making up stories that I cheated with her. It's quite amusing... in a bitchy sort of way...

It's Sunday so pretty soon I gotta start playing some chords before bed. Kenny may come over with his bass or maybe I'll stay over his house for the night. His parents got a divorce...finally...and now him and his brother live with his mom. She moved into a nicer house a couple streets down and his dad now lives in some cruddy apartment out in Denver. He doesn't ever see him, only to get booze or porn tapes. Kenny says that just one day his dad hit him so hard he had to go to the hospital while his mom was out and that did it. Kevin always asks why they don't see him and Kenny hit him upside his head...stupid, stupid Kevin...heh.

I may or may not write in this again, it will depend on if I remember. Maybe I should start taking those pills...nah. Well, I guess I say goodbye or whatever. I'll leave you with my half finished song...I'm thinking of playing it when all the bands of Colorado do Battle of the Bands. That way, she can hear it...It's called DLD (Dirty Lil' Dyke)...aren't I the vengeful type?

I thought I loved you

You meant the whole world to me

I would've given you anything desired

But then you broke my heart

By turning into a little queer...

Refrain

Imagine my surprise

When you come to realise

You've turn the girl you loved

Into a dirty little dyke

Just because there's no sex

Refrain

You're a dirty lil dyke

Who ripped out my tender heart

You rather hump a butch

Than be with me

You dirty lil' dyke

(Not the most... articulate of songs I've composed...)

**End of Chapter I**

HDM: Note I do NOT have a problem with any lesbian or gays (since I do throw so many innuendos that would be hypocrisy in itself) so I don't want to see any hate mail. Okay...yeah this isn't a typical romance because he (as you've read) is straight...so let's see how this kid will deal...

(1) That last sentence was a shot at me...hehehe...because I have a tendency to do that...


	2. Clever Words from Assholes

Chapter II

Clever Words from Assholes

HDM: Now, to the story line! Thank you for the reviews, keep them coming!

Quote of the Day: Never lose your humor, it's the one thing that keeps you young...

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"Dude, your song sucks..."

That is the bluntness that came from Kenny's mouth the first time he read the lyrics. "No it doesn't!" I protest. "First of all, you'll offend every other gay and lesbian hearing that..." he says, "Do you want them knocking down our door and raping us and other crazy shit?" I look at him and roll my eyes. "It's not rape if the other person is willing..." I say with a grin.

We were in his living room trying to figure out a song that doesn't suck for now an hour. His mom is out for the night and Kevin is at a sleepover...who has a sleepover on a Sunday? He's probably getting his dick whacked but his mom doesn't know and Kenny doesn't give a damn. Kenny recently got a job at a video rental store so now he has some decent shyt. He actually has a computer and a nice stereo.

I'm playing around on his computer as the stereo is blasting Kenny's CD of GWAR. He also has Comedy Central Presents Dane Cook on his TV. "I can't believe you never heard these guys Kyle! Their concerts are awesome, you get sprayed with blood and everything!" Kenny exclaims in vivid detail while laughing at the TV. "No offence but if I want to watch costumed assholes you can always go down to the KFC to see the chicken guy..." I reply to the blond.

I finally got the computer loaded, after like an hour. It's because he has all this porn and hentai saved on his fucking hardware. "You're gonna get a virus..." I warn him. "That's why my computer is protected from computer STDs" he replies. I look over and cock an eyebrow. "Computers don't get STDs!" I yell over. "Yeah they do! When they're intimate with the unprotected World Wide Web they can get weird bugs like electronic Herpies or AIDS!" He explains with a grin.

"Oh, so then what's a Trojan?" I ask sarcastically.

"A computer with a Trojan brand condom?"

"And what's Spyware?"

"Perverted male computers looking in a girl computer's parts?"

"You're such a dumbass!" I yell between my laughs. Yeah, he isn't the brightest crayon in the box but that's where charm comes in. "So...where's Stan?" he asks me casually. I shrug my shoulders while typing in my screen name to log onto AOL. "I think he's out with Wendy...why you ask?" I ask without looking over. The annoying logging noise comes on, telling me it's connecting.

"I donno, he never chills with us because of that bitch..." he replies coolly. "Yeah, well you know his priorities right now..." I defend Stan in a pathetic attempt. I really don't give a damn but hey...he has been with the girl for some time now."Yeah but there's a difference from being with your girl and being whipped..." Kenny points out.

"What about the song, Kenny?" I ask him. He just shrug his shoulders. "What about it? We still need a drummer because Craig had to go to rehab...why worry now?"

I spin in the seat several times, trying to think. Yeah, we have to wait four weeks for him to get out of the clinic...why the hell did his parents have to be "concerned" right around now? No, I'm not being selfish...I'm saying that I need my drummer here and not at the clinic.

"What are the qualifications again?" I ask my bassist. "I've told you like five times, Kyle. Man, do you have a problem?" he asks. I look over and stared. The fact is that he _does _know about the ADD.

"I'm only kidding, dude! The qualifications are that you need three songs. One has to be a cover song and the other two must be original. One of the original, since it's on Valentine's Day, must be a romantic or love song. Write this down so you don't forget, Scatterbrain..."

I write down in quick notes into one of my lyric notepads. "Romance, huh? Well couldn't-" I try to squeeze in my input about my song. He stops me right there. "No...that's an asshole ex-boyfriend song. Believe me, I've tried putting songs like that at this competition, not a good reaction because the ex was there...and you KNOW that she's gonna be competing, so we're not gonna do it..." I bite down on my lower lip and sigh. Well, I guess that song will have to wait...heh yeah I guess I have vengeance issues.

Finally, AOL starts up and you hear the Crypt Keeper's chilling _Welcome!_ "Is anyone on that's interesting enough to mess with?" he asks in a nonchalant manner. I look down my Buddy List. "Um..Butters...Bebe...hey Stan's online..." I yell over. "IM him, maybe he can come over!" Kenny suggests. "Alright..." I say while clicking on his screen name.

**xxKiLLtheSYSTEMxx: **Yo Stan what's up?

**QBMarsh211590:** Nothing, you?

**xxKiLLtheSYSTEMxx:** Nm...I'm over Kenny's, wanna come over?

**QBMarsh211590: **Um...let me check hold on...

_**QBMarsh211590 is away**_

**QBMarsh211590: **Yeah it's cool, you staying over?

**xxKiLLtheSYSTEMxx: **Probably, his mom doesn't care

**QBMarsh211590: **Alright, I'll see ya in a few **_QBMarsh211590 signed off_**

"Well he's coming over..." I say to the blonde. He took out his bass and was playing a piece from an Ozzy song. "Okay, maybe we can culture him with some good and classic music..." he said. "GWAR is not classic!" I yell. He tries to think of a rebuttal but stops short. "You win that battle my Jewish friend but I WILL win the war." he says in a dramatic tone. "What war?" I say with a grin.

"The on going musical taste war that we've had since freshman year!" he says like it's the most obvious question ever. "Oh yeah..." I remembered that arguement vividly. It was this big argument about who was better, Iron Maiden or the Ramones...two completely genres of rock but none the less we still have a war against the bands.

"Hey, did you hear about Cartman?" Kenny asks in a low tone. "What about Cartman?" I ask out of curiosity. Personally, I could give a damn about the bumblefuck but what could it hurt to know something about the pig. "He got suspended for a couple days..." Kenny says with a sly grin. "What? Why?" I ask my little gossiping friend.

"I think it was because of the principal being a hermaphadite..." Kenny replies. "Well that's not something you print up for the whole student body to read." I reason and Kenny nods. That's too funny, I'm kind of glad the fatfuck got a taste of his own medicine.

I look through my email and delete all the chains...it's all bullshit. _If you don't send it to 10 people ghosts will eat your liver in your sleep tonight and blah blah blah_. It's all stupid, I can't believe people sends this to me and think I'm actually going to listen to a piece of email.

Stan comes over about fifteen minutes after our IM since he lives only a block away. "Hey guys..." he walks through the front door. We don't even bother knocking so we just waltz right in like it's our house. Stan through his bag in the corner and took a seat on the couch.

"Finally, you've broken your leash and joined your male brethren!" Kenny says in a triumphant roar. Stan gives him a blank look, obviously not getting the joke. "Dude, he's saying you're not attached to Wendy for once..." I yell over from the computer. Stan let out a 'Oh' and then threw a pillow at Kenny's head.

"What the hell is that?" Stan says while looking at the stereo. "A stereo?" Kenny answers like a smartass. "I know that! I mean the music coming out of the stereo!" Stan asks in an annoyed tone. "Oh! It's GWAR..." Kenny replies shortly "Isn't the best!" I yell from the computer.

"Screw you!" Kenny yells back. "You wish!" I responded back. Then, there's a pause of silence. "Every awkward silence a gay baby's born..." I mutter with a smirk. Kenny looks over at Stan and just stares.

"What?" Stan asks. "You made us make a gay baby!" Kenny says with a grin. "Why me!" Stan yells. Kenny just shrugs his shoulders. "Hey, your girl is IM-ing me to see where you are..." I yell over.

**StanzBabyGrl22: **Hey Kyle, where's Stanley? He's not at his house

**xxKiLLtheSYSTEMxx: **He's over here at Kenny's hanging out

**StanzBabyGrl22: **Well tell him to call me

**xxKiLLtheSYSTEMxx:** You don't tell me what to do, I'm not whipped like lil Stanley

"No, don't tell her that!" Stan whines. I turn my head and stare at him. "Dude, you're gonna take her shit, fine, but I'm not someone she can bark orders at..." I growl. Stan bites down on his lip...he wants to contradict me but he knows I got him licked.

"What does she think we're doing, having hot monkey sex! Sorry but no..." I yell at him. "Aw man...I was hoping for something tonight..." Kenny moans in dismay. "Wait, let me talk to her!" he yells as he runs over to the computer. He doesn't wait for me to get up and just takes a seat on my lap and starts typing. "GET OFF!" I yell. Stan starts laughing as Kenny just grins. "You know you looove it..." he replies, "I'll get up in a minute..."

**xxKiLLtheSYSTEMxx:** Hey Wendy it's Kenny

**StanzBabyGrl22: **um, hi?

**xxKiLLtheSYSTEMxx: **You wanna join me and Stan in a three-some while Kyle tapes?

**StanzBabyGrl22: **WHAT!

**xxKiLLtheSYSTEMxx: **You want Kyle in it aswell? Well I guess we could always just put the camera somewhere it can see all of us

_**StanzBabyGrl22 signed off**_

"Thanks Kenny, now she's gonna be really pissed off..." Stan grimaces. "She's probably throwing up right now..." I say coolly, "NOW can you get off!" Kenny hops off my lap and goes back to the couch. We hear the vibrating sound of Stan's cell phone. "Terrific..." he mutters. He goes in the other room to answer the phone. Kenny and I sneak over and hide behind the wall, trying to listen in.

"No...no I didn't tell him to write that. Just wait...baby it's not like that...I'm not pressuring you into sex..." Stan's pathetic groveling makes me want to puke. Kenny is trying to surpress a laugh. "You know what babe, I'll talk to you at school...right now isn't the best time..."

Stan walks back in and sees us. "Listening in?" he asks coolly. "Well it would be just rude to just be in there with you..." I say sarcastically. "Dude, why does she dog you?" Kenny asks, "It's not nessecary!" Stan scratches the back of his head. "What you need to do is grow some balls." I say with a cocky smirk. He punches me in the shoulder. "OW!" I yell. Kenny laughs obnoxiously and I hit him in the stomach. Then it was a big fight.

Around midnight we decided to go to bed since it is a school night. I get the couch, Stan gets the love seat, and Kenny takes the floor. We turn on the T.V. and watch some infomercials. "Yo Kyle, can I have five bucks for some Kools?" Kenny asks in a hushed tone. I let out a yawn and stretch a bit. I can hear Stan's light snoring so I know he's out. "You owe me at least twenty already..." I warned him. I don't chain smoke but I do take a drag time to time. Despite the rocker profile I don't like doing drugs or drink and that other bullshit. There are cooler ways to die...

"I'll pay you back...my next paycheck I promise!" he pleads. I roll my eyes, if I had a dollar for every time I hear that come out of his mouth I would be a VERY rich Jew. "Fine...remind me tomorrow before school..." I gave into his pleas. Sleep takes its toll on me because everything was getting hazy. "Don't worry about the contest, dude...we'll think of something..." I hear before I fall to sleep.

* * *

End of Chapter II

HDM: yes, a LOT different than Insanity Bleeds, it's much lighter...and believe it or not this is based off a lot of me and my friends and our expiriences so that's why I think these guys are I guess more real...I'm trying to be careful about my tenses and to keep it in present so it took awhile to proofread...but don't give me shyt about how they talk...that's common sense to say they don't know grammar either...

Review, it makes me smile


	3. Loving Intentions

Chapter III

Loving Intentions

HDM: writer's block hit me like an eighteen wheeler! ow, my head hurts now...okay this is longer than expected...but then again I did make you wait so there you go...enjoy

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"Kyle, wake the fuck up! We're late!"

I fell off the fucking couch from that wake up call! Kenny towered over me with a snickering grin smeared across his face. "Kenny, what the hell is your problem?" I croaked. It takes awhile for my voice to sound normal when I wake up. "Dude, it's seven fifteen! Stan's almost ready but we're gotta get our asses moving!" he yelled.

I pulled myself from the floor and I ran upstairs with my bag of clothes. I threw off my dirty shirt and sprayed Axe before throwing on a humorous but true 'NO EMO' tee with an emo fag smiley under the letters. I looked down at my pants, meh they're fine. I almost submerged my head in the sink to wet it down. I took out a brush and I brushed out the knotted parts before using gel to spike my bangs.

I almost tripped down the bastard stairs on my own damn pair of shoes! Kenny lets out a cackle and I respond with the age old middle finger. Stan came out of the kitchen with three packs of Pop Tarts; what a nice breakfast? I laced up my beaten up Chucks and brushed down my clothes for any dirt or stray hair. I patted my pocket, where are my keys? "Guys, where are my keys?" I asked my friends. They shrugged their shoulders, what a help...

We scoured the whole house looking for those damn keys; I mean we found stuff that we lost weeks ago! We founded my BLS CD and old hoodie with a mustard stain on the sleeve and we founded Kenny's old Playboys and comic collection. Stan found the keys...on the end table where I left them last...and then we headed out the door. "Dude, we're going to be sooo late..." Stan grimaced. "Can't spoil you record, Marsh?" Kenny sneered. I let out a cackle as we walked to my car.

My piece of tin of a car is an apple green 1968 Chevy Camaro with a classic 8-track stereo and beat up seating and interior. There's many rust patches and there's a pair of Invader ZIM fuzzy dice hanging in the window to add a bit of me to this junk heap. But...it's my car and I love it like a great-uncle who smells funny but gets you porn for Christmas. Oh, that's just me?

I started up the engine and I could hear gears creak and whine with old age. Kenny hopped in the passenger seat and Stan climbed into the back. I looked both ways and I swerved to the right, heading for our high school. "So, did you get a look at our new English teacher?" Kenny asked us, "I heard she's a hooker turned straight edge..." Stan let out a huff and I just rolled my eyes.

"That's not true...Ms. Sterling is just a normal twenty-three year old teacher like anyone else!" Stan rebutted.

"Do normal teachers have at least DD?"

"Uh..."

"Ha HA!" Kenny exclaimed with victory, "I win...in your face Marsh!" Stan kicked the back of his seat and Kenny started to beat the shit out of him. "GUYS! If I have to pull this piece of shit over..." I warned them. Then, this squirrel came out of no where and headed for the car. I'm the genious that doesn't see the rodent but Kenny does.

"WATCH-" he yelled but too late...bump bump! Ew, I guess McDonalds will have a new order of meat I guess. "That's nasty..." Stan sneered with disgust. "It was either us or him...and frankly I'm above a fuckin rodent..." I reasoned with them. Yeah...compassion is not my strong suit when it came to woodlen creatures.

We get to school before the final bell so we have maybe a minute to get to our classes. They ran ahead of me because I needed books out of my locker so I had to sprint to English. I hear my name call so by instinct I look back to see who's calling my name. In a split second I ram into someone in front of me. "I'm so sorry!" I yell out as I look at the victor I bulldozed. "It's okay, it was my fault..." I look to see it was a girl. I helped her up and she looked up at me. She couldn't be taller than five one at the most. I'm grazing at five eleven so it's a bit of a difference.

I start walking toward my English and she goes in my direction. "You're in Sterling's class, right?" she asks me. Oh yeah, I remember her being in my English class...and I think my Physics, too. "Here, take this way..." she said with a certain amount of aplomb. She turns into a deserted stairwell and we continue down the stairs. "What's your name?" I asked the stranger. "Maleah..." she responded with a smile, "You're Kyle Brofloski, right? You're the smart kid who always starts a debate and end with a smart ass line..." she gives me a grin and I can feel my cheeks redden.

She's nothing like the other girls I've met...not even the goth or punk girls I've befriended and went out with. She has a light auburn hair with faded blue highlights in two half buns/half ponytails and the rest of her hair down. It was past her shoulders and it was bleached on the tips a light blonde. Her eyes are a dark royal blue of a hue and her cheek bones define her face making her looking a bit older. There's no makeup on her face...giving her that natural beauty most girls soon forget after puberty.

Her outfit is different to say the least. She has a white linen shirt with a gray jacket cut to her waist. She has a scarf that's stripped black and purple that was longer than the jacket itself. She has a plaid skirt but has shorts an inch above her knee. She has two different colored stripped stockings to match her mismatched Chucks. She has beaded braclets along her ankles and wrists. It's different...but not too much different to be scared away.

We walked into class barely making the bell and we took our seats wherever in the room. She conveniently sat in the next row next to me; Stan sits in front of me and Kenny sits behind me. Kenny starts handing me back my homework he 'looked over' as Stan starts telling me about which girls are single and who's fuckable and blah blah blah. Maleah shuffled in her pocket and gave me a look. "What are you looking for?" I asked her. She unveiled...a fortune cookie. I gave her an awkward look. "Here...it's still good..." she said while putting it on my desk.

'Today something will happen to you that's unexpected. Lotto Numbers: 7,8,3,4'

After class Kenny and I went down to gym while Stan went down to his Physics class. We walked into the boys' lockers to see some guys are already getting changed. "So, who's the new girl?" Kenny asked me with a smug grin. I just shook my head while I try to open my locker for the third time. "Mother fucker! Work damnit!" I yelled at the inanimate door. Kenny turned the dial in three quick motions and it opened for him. I gave him a nasty look. "I hate you..." I growled. He just gave me his trademark asshole smile.

"She's just this girl..." I mumbled to him. "Well, other than that cookie thing she seems alright. She's waaaay hotter than the lesbian!" he stated, stressing the 'lesbian' more just to piss me off. "I wouldn't talk, Kenny...what about the chick you went out with and you found out she had a di-" he stopped me right there. "SHH! Not so loud!" Kenny hushed me. I let out a small cackle and took off my shirt and he did likewise.

Have you ever felt self conscieous in front of your friend. I just felt like I wanted to put my shirt right back down. I'm so pale; it's like I've stayed in all summer and wore long sleeve shirts the whole time. I'm stickly too; my ribs poke out of my skin...I'm a living skeleton. Kenny is at least a little built and Stan...well he's a football player so that's a dumb question. "Kyle?" Kenny snapped me out of my daze. "Huh?" I replied stupidly. "Uh...the coach is calling us..." he said eyeing the balding man.

He's a fucking fat and lazy bumblefuck...why does he get to blow a whistle and order us around...I think he's gay because he only comes in when we're getting dress and I think I caught him looking at my ass. Eww, I'm getting hit on by dirty old men! I quickly threw on my gym shirt. Our 'uniform' is only a white T shirt and green or black pants or shorts. We have a bigger gym while the girls have the older and smaller gym across the hall.

"Okay you weak maggots, today you'll be tested on your endurance." the blowhard belted out, "That means all you slackers need to participate in order to pass this class!" he looked directly at Kenny and me. "Slackers? I am hurt by your accusations!" Kenny exclaimed with fake hurt look. I joined in the joke shortly after the comment. "I guess we're just not good enough for Mr. Johnson..." then I said under my breath, "Only taking our clothes off we can really impress him..." I vein popped out of his thick neck. "What was that Brofloski!" he yelled. "Nothing...just saying how you pitch a tent when you see us half naked..." I said with a grin. "30 LAPS NOW!" he belted out.

Eh, it was worth it...

I was on my tenth lap on the track when I saw the girls walk by. I heard beating footsteps near me, someone was running as well. "Funny, we shouldn't meet like this..." I heard to my right. I looked down and it was Maleah. "What's your excuse?" I asked her. "I said that volleyball was against my religion and she thought I was being a smart ass..." she explained.

"Well, were you?"

"No, the fact is that I made up my own religion and whatever I can't do I just say it's against it...no one can say otherwise because I only know about the 'rules' per say."

"So what about you?" she asked me. "Told my teacher that he pitched a tent when we got dressed..." I said in a nonchalant manner. She let out a laugh and slowed down a bit. "Yeah I would think he would get mad...just so he'll cover up his secret intentions." she said with a grin. I laughed at her remark but stopped when I saw the teacher. "MOVE IT BROFLOSKI!" he screamed.

"I fucking hate that guy..." I growled. She rolled her eyes and we continued around the tracks. "Don't you have a band?" she asked me. "Yeah but it's under construction...my drummer is in rehab..." I said with a bitter undertone.

"God forbid...I mean he could've not got caught so your band wouldn't suffer..."

"I know! I'm glad I'm not the only one who thinks that!"

"I'm being sarcastic..."

"Oh...well then...I'm the asshole here..."

I met up with Kenny after gym and we headed for my locker. We decided to put both our books in mine and have our important shit in Kenny's so people won't wise up. We dumped our books and we went our separated to our respected classes. He went to Metal Shop while I did Drama. Hey, it's an easy A and I get to fuck around without getting in trouble. Besides, some of the stuff is actually useful...I can lie easier too. My teacher Mrs. Murray came in and started up class right away.

"Okay class, I'll put you in partners and you must give a story but you must use two "improv slips" each in your storyline." she explained in an eccentric tone. Improv...the greatest excuse for being unprepared. This is the best because you can just make it up as you go along and people would think it's part of the act. "Okay now Tommy you'll be with..." she started.

About two minutes later most of the class is partnered up. "Kyle...I think you will work with Talia..." I look over to see a gothic clad girl look up. She had black hair except for two pieces in the front being bleach blonde. Her eyes were a cold ice blue and wore black rimmed glasses. She wore this long sleeved shirt with saftey pins on the sides and black UFO pants to match. I couldn't help but smile...this will not go well. Don't get me wrong, I'm actually friends with the girl...it's that we are very...disagreeable when it comes to what to do.

We headed to the auditorium and we broke up in our groups. "So, what do you wanna do?" I asked her. "I don't know...nothing stupid..." she said monotonously, "How about a breakup?" I look at her and cock an eyebrow. "We need to give it a twist...other than the slips of course." I warned her. "Um, in the end you think it's all well and good and you turn around and I shoot you in the head..." she suggested with a wicked grin.

"You just want a reason to shoot me and die..."

"Doesn't anyone?"

"Fine, I wanted to die anyway..." I huffed.

About twenty minutes later we had to gather around to see who goes first. A lot of groups went...most of them were everyday stuff or meeting someone. There was one breakup but it was rather dull. We got our slips to use and headed toward the stage. I stayed in the center while Talia went out behind the curtain. "Open Curtain!" I yelled, the signal when we're starting. The camera she's using starts rolling and we begin with Talia storming into the scene.

"I can't believe you actually cheated on me!" she shrilled. I stepped back a bit and gave a startled expression. "What are you talking about?" I asked my partner in a sympathetic tone.  
"Don't play dumb you slimeball! I heard you with someone else. I know what you said!"  
"Wh-what are you saying?"

"I know, you said to her..." she took out a slip of paper, "**You make my taquitos twitch the conga line.**"

I take a step back and flaired out my arms...trying not to laugh "It didn't mean a thing, baby! I never meant a word!" Talia just gets more worked up and upset while I play the pleading role. "You never loved me! You just wanted my taco! Now you have my heart and taco...who is this other person!" she screamed. "I'll tell you but you won't be happy..." I took out the paper,

"**The midget clown from Reno...**" I said and we both had difficulty keeping a straight face.

"I knew you were not just getting peanuts!" Talia screamed after catching herself laughing. "Hey, I heard how you said that the trapeze artist had a better body!" I shot right back. "He doesn't even speak English!" she yells. I walk over to her and pull her into a hug. "Don't worry, we'll get through this..." I comforted her. She sniffed sadly and nodded. "Before I go, I want you to know..." Talia took out her paper.

"**My dog ate your cat last Christmas and I said it was a bear...**" I gave a look of hurt and shock and before I react she 'pulls' a gun on me and 'shoots' me. I fall to me knees and take out my slip.

"**Et tu Sagglepuss?**" and I fall dead.

I get back to my locker before lunch and some drama classmates commented on my performance...I guess it's a compliment when I'm told I have a great death scene. I see Kenny at our table and he waves me down. A bunch of people start going for the food while we stroll to the vending machines. Kenny gets a Coke and three bags of chips while I get a Sprite and a bunch of candy. Yes, it's as healthy we get so shut up.

"Did you hear anything about a new drummer?" I asked my bassist. He shook his head while opening his bottle. I think he just tuning me out with showtunes stuck in his noggin.  
"Something fell out of your locker after you left...dude it's really weird..."  
"What is it?"

Kenny tossed me a cube shaped note. It has my name scribbled on the top. I opened it cautiously and I read it to myself:

_Kyle, I would like to tell you that I have really liked you since freshman year of high school. I never could tell you because I didn't know how you would react if I ever told you in person so I think this is the best solution. I feel kind of cowardly telling you without giving my name but I will wait until I know it's for the best. If you've read this...thanks for not throwing it out. _

_Love, _

_Your Anonymous Admirer

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End Chapter III_

HDM: I'm really really tired so that's it...sorry again for the long update. Tell me what you think and who's the admirer...find out next chapter! Haha, I gave you a teaser!


	4. Mints

Chapter IV

Mints

HDM: SORRY it took so long! O.O Okay, I have a deviant website where you'll find the fanart for this story amoung other pieces of shit I call art. (on my profile) Hope thisis okay for you guys!

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Kyle's POV 

Kenny just looks at me. Who the hell could be that...obsessive to give me that? "Dude, you got yourself a stalker..." Kenny comments. I just give him a glare and keep reading it over and over. Who is this freak and why does it have to be ME! Shit, this always happens, sophmore year this chick wouldn't stop following me for a whole semester and last year a group of bi-sexuals started their own cult after me! I mean, I love the flattery but this is too much! Now, I have some random person, guy or girl, 'admiring' me!

"Hey, you think it's Bebe? I know she's been crushing on you since we were kids." Kenny suggests. I shook my head. Bebe and I haven't been on good terms after I called her a 'psychopathic, clip-licking, paramecium-brained, redneck, whore' during Physics last week. She didn't get the paramecium brain part but I guess she knew it was an insult to her intelligence. "We had an...argument the other day." I say to him. "Oh yeah, you blew up in her face! Kyle, man, you really need to work on your people skills..."

"Excuse me, I'm not going to let some flighty twit hanging all over me with her tits practically falling out of that tiny cloth she calls a shirt!" I snap. Kenny quirks his eyebrows and gives me a smirk. "You know...I think you're turning gay or a prude..." he sneers with delight. I throw the crumbled note at his head and it misses completely. It whacks Tweek in the back of the head and he starts spazing.

"OMG WHAT'S EATING MY HEAD?" he shrieks as he knocks his food across the table. It his Butters in the face and some falls on the floor, causing Token to slip and his food flies and hits Wendy. Then someone cleverly yelled "FOOD FIGHT!" and now the whole cafeteria is in an uproar.

Kenny and I look at each other. "Maybe we should go..." Kenny suggests. We quickly leaves before the pizza started flying. We walk outside and sit on the bleachers, away from everyone...well except the goth kids smoking near the bathroom. "Well...let me remember to not call you a fag in the cafeteria." Kenny jokes. I shove him in the shoulder and look away. "Hey man, I'm just joking. Come on, I know better than anyone that you're straight..."

"Yeah, well most people still don't have it through their head..."

"Well, let's try to figure out who's your little stalker."

Kenny pulls out a notebook and a pencil. He draws a crude drawing of a face with messy hair and a frown. He labels it 'Kyle'. "Bravo, Van Gogh, how is this going to help me?" I sarcastically asks. He starts two columns under the Kyle head, labeling Girls and Guys. "Now, let's think of all the girls and guys we know and we'll then figure it out." Kenny explains. We decide to only pick the people I knew in 9th grade since this person obviously has been stalking me since.

Bebe-Kenny  
Wendy-Stan  
Rebecca-Craig  
Adrianna-Butters  
Vanessa-Tweek  
Lilly-Cartman  
Maria-Token

"I know a lot more than them, Kenny...and why did you put yourself on the list?" I ask him. "Never rule out the possibilities...that's that guy with the funny hat and magnifying glass used to say." Kenny replies. "That's Sherlock Holmes and he didn't say that verbatim..." I correct him but he doesn't even bother to listen.

"Okay, we can scratch out Bebe because she's still pissed at you and Token because he's got a girlfriend and doesn't really like you." Kenny says as he scribbles out their names. "Tweek is afraid of me so he's off the list..." I say, his name is scratched out. "Do you even talk to Maria or Lilly?" he asks me. I dated them but I don't talk to them anymore. "Can we rule out exes? I think I pissed them off too much for them to be stalking me." I ask him.

He crosses out all the girls except Wendy and was about to cross Cartman's name before I stopped him. "I DID NOT DATE FAT FUCK!" I yell at him. "Yeah, but I'm just scratching him out because he's too busy fucking with your head than to actually stalk you." Kenny reasons, "Okay, so we have Wendy, myself, Craig, Stan, and Butters...funny it's all the guys left..." he purposely leaves his comment at that.

"Wendy's too busy sucking Stan's dick to want to suck your sweet circumcised cock." Kenny teases. He scratches her name out with a lot of scribbles and even deliberately makes a little devil pissing on the name. It was quite a funny site. Of course Kenny still kept his name on the list to be a major ass.

"Alright, Craig has already claimed his straightness and homophobe-ness last year so I don't think he's a likely candidate." Kenny reasons as he scratches out his name. "Kenny, get your name off the list!" I yell at him. He lets out a laugh but doesn't touch his name. I look at him irritably.

"Do you WANT teeth?" I threaten. He gave me the biggest grin he could manage. I stared at the paper. This can't be my choices. Stan is still on the list, that makes no sense and Butters can barely look at me without cringing in fear. There has to be someone else we didn't mention.

"Hey, what about that Maleah chick in English?" Kenny asks me. I perk up a bit. We didn't mention her...why didn't I think of her. Wait...she can't be it. "Kenny, I don't remember her being in our ninth grade class..." I object. He picks up his head and thinks a second. "No, she came in sophmore year...she couldn't be the stalker." I tell him.

"It's Stan..." Kenny says with such finality it almost scares me. I shake my head. "Dude, it can't be Stan...he's majorly straight. He went to that Straights Unite rally Craig hosted against the GSA." I object. Besides, wouldn't it be too obvious for my best friend to fall for me? God, this isn't the movies.

"True, maybe we're not plugging into all the possibilities..." Kenny suggests as he crumbles the paper. We head into the school to our American History class down the hall. Stan met up with us along with Cartman. We both stared each other down. We're supposed to sit near each other because of alphabetical reasons but I persuaded the teacher to have my seat moved. Now I'm between behind Stan and next to Kenny. Stan kept a stone cold expression and kept his eyes on his paper. I tap him with a pen but he wouldn't budge.

I rip out a piece of paper and scribble a note down and gave it to him. It said: _Hey Stan! Why the hell are you so dead today? _My handwriting isn't the best in the world but it's legible. He writes something on the bottom of my note and tosses it back.

**IT'S OVER, SHE'S GONE**

I tried to stop him after class but he ran out of the room. Kenny pulls me back to find out what's wrong. I tell him what's going on and he gave me a look. "Why are you upset, Kyle? You of all people hated the bitch...why do you feel sorry?" Kenny asks.

"Dude, Stan loved her for some twisted reason. You know how he think she's just this perfect angel and would _ne-ver_ think of her as flawed. He's blown away!"

"But why do you gotta go to him? He ditched you so many times for her...he put your friendship on hold for the little harlet!"

"I know...and believe me I'm pissed about it but what am I gonna do? 'Gee Stan, sorry about Wendy, but since you ditched me for her...I'm gonna leave you hanging like a PMSing bitch!'"

Kenny rolls his eyes as we head for my locker to get our stuff. "We'll talk to him _without_ any comments..." I warn him. He scoffs at my warning but does comply. We get to my car and see that Stan isn't waiting. I look to see he's walking down the street. I start up the car and slowly follow him. He looks to his right to see me with a asshole grin. "Want a ride?" I ask him. Kenny is in shotgun beckoning Stan to get into the car.

"Leave me alone, Kyle. I need to deal with this on my own time..."

"Come on Stan, don't be a puss. Just get into the car and we'll cheer you up."

He finally gets into the car but doesn't say a word. Kenny and I tell him dirty jokes and all these reasons Wendy's a whore...well things that would make us laugh. Stan just stares out the window and looks really pathetic.

We get to my house and the only one home is Ike. He's watching some stand up on the tube. We all run up into my room and close the door. "Kenny, Slayer or Rancid?" I ask him. "Put on some Maiden and put on Charlotte the Harlot." Kenny says. Ah, good ol' Iron Maiden, can't go wrong with Eddy.

"Guys, I appreciate you doing this but I'm okay. Wendy's...just a fucking bitch..." Stan growls. We raise our eyebrows to his comment. "Oh, Stan sees the light! That's a miracle!" Kenny jokes.

"Kenny, if you weren't my friend I would clock you…" Stan growls.

"Stan, if you weren't my friend I would fuck you stupid…" Kenny replies.

Stan threw I pillow at Kenny and he caught it with one hand. Kenny jumps on top of Stan and beats him with the pillow. Stan throws the pillow, hitting me in the back of the head. "Hey! Leave me out of this!" I say laughing.

"Aw, can't leave my lover out of anything!" Kenny says in a mockingly cute manner. I tackle Kenny off the couch, taking Stan with me. We all started beating the hell out of each other for a good five minutes. Kenny looks up at the clock and quickly gets up.

"Hey guys I just realize I gotta run home and cook dinner for my ma. She's coming home late and she wants me to cook."

Kenny flings his school bag over his shoulder. "Want a ride?" I ask him. "Nah, I need the walk." Kenny replies. He looks at Stan. "Bye cutie pants!" he winks at Stan. Stan gives an expression that was to die for. Kenny laughs as he just shakes Stan's hand. He shakes mine but he goes in for a hug.

"Bye lover..." he says to me "Goodbye my darling..." I reply sarcastically. He 'goes in' for a kiss where he's just two inches from my face before licking my nose. I push him off as he darts out the door.

"He's nuts..." Stan says. I nod as I turn up the stereo. "Stan, do you mind me asking why Wendy dumped you?" I ask him while taking a seat on my bed. Stan looks down, recalling the events I'm guessing. "It was during our lunch and we had this fight. She was saying that I don't treat her like boyfriends do. She says I wouldn't keep my eyes off of anyone..."

"Well you're allowed to look at other girls...that's your right to look if you want to-"

"She said I was staring at guys..."

I stared at him. "Stan, you told me you were straight." I say to him. "I thought I was! I even went to that rally Craig set up! But a month later I was talking to this guy and I went to a GSA meeting. They were so nice and they seemed right. They were only looking for equal rights that straights want." he explains to me.

"Stan, you have to tell me about equal rights and all of that. I've been to GSA meetings several times and I have friends who are gay but you don't have to turn gay to help the cause!" I reason with him. Stan just shakes his head.

"This has been going on for awhile I guess, at first I thought it was natural for me to look at guys to compare myself and all of that. Then I think I just looked too much...I started to get desires. I started to wonder _if _I was gay with certain people. Then there was this certain someone."

He looked at me. I knew he was talking about. It was me. "Stan, hold on. Let's back up a second." I can feel myself getting worked up. "Stan, I'm not gay...I don't want to be gay..." I say to him, getting more annoyed.

He wouldn't look up from the floor. Why won't he look at me. "Maybe you should give it a chance..." he says to me. I never thought that I would be the target of his affection. Before I knew it...everything was a blur.

Then he just...kissed me...

I smell mints...

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End of Chapter IV 

HDM: Short but I want it done...Review! I have a piece of fanart for that paticular scene. Look at it I say!


	5. Concussion

Chapter V

Concussion

HDM: Long update, hope I can make it up with this chapter. Oh, by the way, I was listening to a lot of 70s so I'm kind of loopy...sorry if it reflects the chapter. This has a lot of phone convo and IM convo more than actual writing...the life of a regular teenager haha...

**Disclaimer: I do not promote or condone the actions of my characters or the thoughts of the characters. Anything said about a certain group, race, or fad is in the thoughts of the character, not myself...and if I do agree...I will not say to what...and if you cannot handle any of what is said then you should just leave now because I'm not keen on flames.**

* * *

"So, he kissed you...then what?"

"...I passed out."

Kenny just busted out laughing at my response. I rub my head thinking about the incident. "YOU PASSED OUT!" he gasps, falling short of breath. "It's true! I had to go to the hospital, too! I hit my head on the end table and I needed stitches!" I try to defend my story horribly because Kenny just laughed harder. We were in my room, a day after 'the incident'. I try to throw a punch but he easily blocked it and laughed some more.

"Wow, that's the worst story about coming out of the closet I've ever heard..." Kenny cracks up.

"Hey! I'm not coming out! I'm still straight!"

"Uh huh..."

"Why would I have passed out if I didn't like it?"

"...Passed out with excitement?" he grins.

I tackle him off of my bed and we both hit the ground hard. "Come now Kyle, Stan wouldn't approve of you fooling around with another guy..." he teases. I punch him on the top of his head and cheekbone before he flips me. I struggle out of his grip but he's stronger. I calm down after a minute of squirming and look up at him. "Calm down, Kyle. I'm just messin' with ya." He says to me. He lets me up and starts tuning his bass guitar. I go on my computer and log onto AIM.

"Are we going to session or what?" Kenny asks. "Probably not…my head is killing me and we just fuck around anyway…" I tell him. Before he can make a comment I stop him. "Not in that sense, bastard!" I yell at him. I go onto my AIM screen name to see that Stan, Wendy, and Craig are on but Craig is away at the moment. I send an email to Craig to see when he can session when Wendy IMs me.

**LuvMakesUsFools:** Are you goin out w/ Stan?

**xxDieEMOkidsxx:** No, why the hell would I?

**LuvMakesUsFools:** stan really likes u kyle and u dont give him any chance! Oh and ur sn is really mean :-(

**xxDieEMOkidsxx:** I get the feeling that you implanted this idea in his head...you are pretty manipulative. Oh, I don't care that you don't like my screen name...you and your little emo clan can just bite me...you want to die anyway.

**LuvMakesUsFools:** YOU'RE SUCH A JERK!

I put up my away message on her and turn to Kenny who's watching me. "You know she's right..." he begins, "Emofags have feelings too..." he grins. I let out a laugh while spinning in my chair. It's an inside joke between us and a few other metal and punk guys.

Emo thrives in our school like a virus. It's sickening to see guys in girl-pants and that stupid 'emo hair' (hair to the side deal or that short spiky in the back...yes girls and guys do it too) and listening to Fall Out Boy and My Chemical Romance. "If guys and girls like that whining bullshit and it's 'cool' to sing about suicide they should stop crying and just die already!" I tell him.

"Kyle...I just realize how angry and negative you can be...it's so damn funny!" Kenny laughs. Yeah, I have my moments. I want to know where Wendy has the balls to say that kind of bullshit. Wendy just became an emo spawn and already she's looking like one of many clones. She has her hair cut short with the bangs covering half her face and the MCR Hot Topic band shirts. She started to wear the thick black rimmed glasses and these stupid shoes I can't even describe. Now I get it. This is just one big ploy and Stan is stuck in the middle of it.

"She must have convinced Stan that he was gay and he must go out with me..." I state aloud. Kenny gives me a look. "Dude, how the hell can she make someone gay?" he asks me. I look at him with quite certainty. "I...don't know." I say but later grinning. "Face it, dude, you just got yourself a little lover." Kenny replies. I give him a dirty look and look back at my computer. Wendy signed off so it just leaves Stan.

**xxDieEMOkidsxx:** Stan, why would Wendy get the idea that we're going out?

**_QBMarsh211590: I'm not here right now, leave a message_**

**xxDieEMOkidsxx: **Bullshit! You are there Stan! Answer me already!

"Maybe he went to take a piss." Kenny suggests. "Or maybe he's avoiding me..." I reply. Kenny shrugs his shoulder and continues to strum on his bass. I click off the IM window and sign off of AIM. "Hey, have you heard from Bebe?" Kenny asks. I shake my head; she hasn't been in school for awhile.

Oh well, I don't have the energy worrying about someone who wouldn't give two shits about me. Sure, I had a small crush on her during middle school but she turned into a real bitch with her popular friends, popular boyfriends, and popular life. She ditched everyone, including me, when she grew tits and guys started to notice. Oh well...why do I still remember that?

"Yo dude, I'm heading back to my place." Kenny tells me while packing up his stuff. "Need a ride?" I ask him but he declines. "I need the excercise and besides...I think I'll stop over this girl's house." he gives me a wicked grin before heading out through the window. I turn on my stereo and put the Mark, Tom, and Travis Show. I like Blink 182 but I'm not a fan of their newest album...too bad they're on hiatus. I listen to the music blaring before I hear banging on my door.

"TURN THAT SHIT DOWN, YOUR FATHER IS SLEEPING!" I hear my mother screaming. I turn off the stereo and put it on through my computer, that way I can just use the headphones. Before I play the CD, my cell phone starts vibrating. I pick it up to see it's Stan. 'Oh _this _should be good...' I muse as I pick up the phone. "What?" I answer.

"Kyle, it's me...how's your head?"

"Worse these days but fuck that, Stan. Tell me why Wendy's askin' about _us_? I wouldn't know how she would get _that _idea...oh wait yes I do...YOU!"

"...I'm so sorry. It just came out that I told her I had reservations and she just kept pushing it. But...I _really_ didn't mean for her to know. It's just that she seemed like she _knew_ what I wanted and knew what to do..."

"She's a manipulative bitch! You _bend_ to her every time! And now, she and her little emo clan are manipulating you to be like them, and totally _change_ you...just like what the goth kids did to you!"

"You don't understand, Kyle! You don't know how hard it is for me right now!"

"And next you'll tell me that you're misunderstood. Give me a fucking break, Stan. You're living a great life! You have no idea what it's really like to go through hardship!"

"Fuck you Kyle! You don't even care! You and your asshole remarks about people...you say you been to GSA meetings but you call every guy who wears 'girl-pants' emofags! You're a hypocrite!"

"Hey Stan, news flash. Those 'emofags' don't like me either...it's not one-sided here. And I'm not going to let up on my 'assholeness' just because you're offended about something that isn't even about you and I'm just most of the time kidding around. So don't try to guilt trip me, I have no fucking conscious when it comes to high school! I wouldn't even try to pull a GSA comment either because you would bash gays more than Craig so back the fuck off!"

He hung up on me. That was for the best, I guess, because I wasn't done yelling at him. I am about to turn off my phone but it starts to ring again. It's Bebe...

"Hello?"

"Hey..."

"I thought you were mad at me...what's going on?"

"Can you please pick me up from Clyde's house...I have no ride and I don't want to walk home alone...don't ask why...oh shit I have to go."

Shit...

**ONE HOUR LATER!**

I arrive at Clyde's house at ten o'clock and she looks like shit. Her dirty blond hair is in an unkempt ponytail and what lack of shirt is stretched. "So what's going on?" I ask her. "I'll tell you later..." she tries to evade my question. I take my keys out of the ignition. "No, tell me now..." She gives me a look but I won't budge.

"We you have to tell me where to go and why you're leaving Clyde's so early...usually you stay at his house for the night." I continue to rag her. "Me and Clyde...aren't on the best of terms." she says. "It's 'Clyde and I' and why couldn't you get a ride from him or one of his friends?"

"They're drunk..."

"And you're not?"

"I had a sip but I didn't like it. But...but Clyde tried to make me and...his hands were all over me...the whiskey on his breath and..."

She begins to cry and holds herself. "Just go...anywhere but here." she cries as I turn on the ignition. Just then Clyde slams his fist on my window. I roll down the window and the smell of that whiskey smell goes through me. "Get out the car, baby. I'll be goods...I swear." he tells Bebe. She shakes her head and tells me to not get out of the car.

"Brofloski, let my girl go, this has nothin' to do with ya's." he tells me swaying. "Clyde, I'm not like you...I do have my brain cells in tact...and my brain is telling me she needs to leave and your a total douche bag." I tell him. He starts cursing me out...I start counting on my fingers. When I got up to my pinky, I quickly open the door so the metal door hits his head. He stumbles on the ground and yells in pain.

"You fuckin' bastard! I'll kill you!" he yells at me. I get out of the car. "Then do it..." I egg him on as he staggers back up. He runs for me...trying to throw a punch. I take one step to the right as he completely misses me. He throws more punches and I just block them easily. He lunges for me but I step away and put my leg out. He trips over my leg and smashes his head into my car door. I hear Bebe screaming. I look at my door, it has a small ding.

"Your hard-ass head put a ding in my door, you bastard!" I yell at the semi-conscious Clyde. He just groans and rolls onto the sidewalk. He begins to regurgitate. "Ew...that's gross..." I comment as I get back into my car.

Bebe yells at me during the whole ride. She says that I was an ass for going out there and Clyde could've killed me and I'm way too cocky and some other bull. "I think you should shut the fuck up...I did come out here to get you." I warn her. She shuts up quickly and stars out at the scenery. "Thank you..." she mumbles. "Yeah yeah...I now have a new ding because of you..." She's about to yell at me but I give her a smile...indicating I'm only kidding. She hits my arm lightly and laughs a bit. "That was funny seeing him trip..." she admits.

I drop Bebe at her house but I don't leave until she gets inside. I look at my clock, it's almost midnight. I pull in front of my house and open the door after unlocking it. I run upstairs quietly so I don't wake up my parents. I look at my cell and see there's a new voice mail. I dial my voice box and it's Stan. I think he's playing...My Chemical Romance in the background.

"Kyle, I'm sorry about the phone call and hanging up on you. You're just so...no wait I that's not right. You just don't believe how hard it is to be rejected and not even given a chance. I mean, okay this is really weird but I never meant to hurt you...I just want to be with you. And...yeah I guess that's it. I'll see you tomorrow at school."

Shit...school's going to be hell...

Not only is Stan turning gay on me...he's also turning...emo

* * *

End of Chapter V

HDM: another short one...but me don't care XP Will Stan not join the horde of emo kids and be his own individual person? Will Kyle turn gay? Will Kenny not go sleeping around with everygirl he sees? Will Clyde not remember about this night? Probably all of these questions will be answered 'no' but who knows, right?


	6. Speed and XTC

Chapter VI

Speed and XTC

HDM: bleg...

* * *

Have you ever felt that every person stared at you and when you looked back they turned their heads? Did they make you feel like you're on display and you're not a person but a caged animal? That was my day. I got into school and all the cliques and groups clustered around all stared at me.

Well...my appearance wouldn't help the situation. I cut my hair last night...two am to be exact. I didn't take a look before I left but since I heard my mother screeching behind me it must have been bad. I had my Z? hoodie on along with the Murderdolls blaring on my mp3 screaming Die My Bride. Let's see anyone fuck with me today...

Kenny walks up to me in his Anthrax hoodie and grins. "New look?" Kenny asks with a grin. "I call it...'fought the scissors and got my ass handed to me'" I reply. I comb my fingers through my hair and let out a small chuckle. We both go into the English class and even Sterling gave me a look.

"Well...is this some sort of rebellion against modern style or did you feeling like fucking up your hair?" Sterling asks me. "Yes, my personal rebellion against beauty and prettiness and everything we hold dear..." I reply with a grin. "You were pretty...before?" Kenny asks me. I punch him in the arm before taking my seat.

The girl, Maleah, walks in after everyone else shuffles toward their seats and gives me a smile. Her hair is a neon green and is wearing a shirt with so many patterns. If my hair is a personal rebellion her attire is a anarchic revolution. She gives me another fortune cookie and starts reading A Clockwork Orange. I keep my headphones on as I read my magazine, Guitar World. We did this for a good twenty minutes. I forgot what we actually learned but it wasn't important or else I would have remembered.

Gym was boring as usual; had to run laps as usual outside as the rest did some stupid sport...lacrosse or what not. Two emo guys came up to me after gym. They looked clones of each other, both had black parted hair to the side, had black tight MCR and the Used shirts, even tighter jeans with fake studded belts, and to top it off they both wore black eyeliner and nail polish. "Dude, like what happened to your hair? You had long hair before, didn't you?" the one kid asks me. "Thought of a change..." I reply coldly.

"Heard from Wendy about you and Stan..."

"There IS no me and Stan..."

"But...you are bi, right?"

"It's cool, I mean, we know how it is, being ridiculed because they misunderstand us just because we kiss other guys. I mean, chicks dig that shit...and our MySpace full of dark poetry and carving..."

"...Don't talk to me..."

I walk away from the two and blared Murderdolls once again, maybe they'll get the hint. I walk to my Drama class and we have to give our own monologues...that I totally spaced. It's only supposed to be small part of a movie of your choice. As we go down to the auditorium (out of pure fucking luck), I have to go first.

Mrs. Murray explains that I have to show them an example of 'our better students'. Yeah right, she just wants to trip me up or catch me not working. I let out a sigh and walk up to the stage. See, first you have to do a character presentation, where my classmates basically grill me for five minutes on my character. Then, I give my monolouge.

I walk up there and got changed into a baggy white t-shirt...not that much of a difference in the attire. I rub some black makeup I stole from Talia under my eyelids to give the sleepless insomnia look. I feel the spotlight on me. It's really hot up on stage with the light beaming on you. Once the house lights go down you cannot see anyone on stage, you're on your own and that may be the scariest thing for anyone on stage...if I really did give a damn then I would have as well.

"I'm Kyle Brofloski and I'm doing a monolouge from the movie, Donnie Darko. I'll be playing Donnie, a genious but insane kid who realizes the day will end soon. In this scene, he's countering this guidance guy's advice on dealing with your problems..." I begin. I sit in a chair and take a deep breath.

"Are _you_ telling us this stuff so we can buy _your_ book?" I start off, "Because I got to tell you...if you are, that was one of the _worst_ advice I ever heard." I rise and cross down stage left and pointed into the audience. "Do you want your sister to lose weight? _Tell_ her to get off the couch...stop eating those Twinkies...and maybe go out for _field_ hockey..." I cross upstage right and raise my right hand. "You know what? No one ever knows what they want to be when they grow up. It takes a little while to find that out."

I cross over to the left again and gave a smirk. "Right, _Jim_?" I cross back downstage right and pointed again to the audience. "And you… _yeah_, you. Sick of some jerk _shoving_ your head down the toilet?" I walk down a step and tip my head downward so I'm looking up. "Well you know what, maybe you should lift some weights or take a karate lesson. And the next time he tries to do it, ya' kick him in the balls. End scene..."

I go to lunch and see all the emo kids grouping around the surrounding tables. Kenny comes over and looks at me. "So...what's going on with you?" Kenny asks me. I am about to speak but then I'm overtaken by the awful sound of...My Chemical Romance. One of the douche-bags put it on so loud that 'I'm Not Okay' is ringing in my ears. Kenny looks over and shoots a glare.

"You think that they would have the common decency to keep their shitty music to themselves..." he muses aloud. I turn up my mp3 and it so happens to be Slayer's 'Raining Blood'. Kenny grins as he bangs his hair to the beat as he plays air bass along with the song. The emo dicks look over and glare at us as more and more metal guys and some girls join our table screaming the lyrics in the traditional 'Slayer voice'.

"Hey! We can't hear our music!" Wendy yells over. I look over and smirk. "And that's bad, how?" Kenny replies. She glares at us but we pay no attention to her. I see Stan walk down the tables. My mouth drops. He has on a 'The Used' shirt with tight jeans and a studded belt backwards so the buckle is behind his ass. He has his hair parted to the side and I swear to God he's wearing eyeliner. I jump out of my seat and confront him. "Stan! What happen to you?" I ask him. He doesn't look at me but keeps walking toward the emo clan. "We lost him..." Kenny says.

I look for Stan after school but he's around a swarm of 'his friends'. I push into the crowd but Wendy stops me halfway. "Why are you here, Kyle? Haven't you hurt Stan enough?" she hisses. I push pass her and grab Stan's arm. "We need to talk..." I growl and before he can say anything I take him around near the back of the school.

"Kyle! What are you-" but before he says another word I push him against the wall. "Don't say a damn thing, Stan. Tell me why are you acting like this and better yet, tell me why you just snub me in lunch today and hang out with your posse?" I yell at him. He pushes pass me but I grab his wrist.

"Leave me alone!" he yells at me. "No! Tell me, Stan, what's going on. A week ago you were this happy kid who played football and had a best friend and went to the movies. Now, you're wearing eyeliner, listening to emo shit, and totally freaking me out!" I continue. He looks at me with those eyes and his lips part...like he wants to speak but cannot fathom the words.

He starts wiping off the eyeliner from his eyes. "This isn't me, huh?" he asks me. "Dude, you're wearing girl-pants..." I tell him with a smirk. He laughs a bit and shakes his head. "To tell you the truth...I hate the Used...and My Chemical Romance...and these pants leave no crotch space!" he tells me. "It's because the guys who wear them have pussies..." I tell him and he laughs. He leans against the wall and looks up at the sky. "Why are you acting like this when you clearly don't like it?" I ask him.

"I donno...Wendy just kept on putting it in my head that this is the way I am and I have to do this and they're the only ones who will accept me." he replies, "And when she found out that I told you...you know...that thing. She kept on pressuring me and said that you would hate me forever and I am never going to get over it and at first I thought she was wrong but after awhile you start believing it after hearing it so many times."

"Stan, I don't hate you." I tell him. He looks at me and smiles. "But you have to get through your head that Wendy is a conniving bitch who has you wrapped around her finger." I tell him. He nods his head. "So...we're cool?" he asks. I give him a grin. "Yeah, we're cool." I say to him. I start walking away but I hear him behind me. "I still love you..." he tells me. I stop stone cold.

I don't know why but I feel angry...why did he still have to have feelings for me. Why do I have to care? "Stan!" I yell at him as I turn to him. He doesn't give me a look, he just stares. "Stan! You have no idea what love is and how do you know you love me! How do you know that you're gay and how come you have to like me!" I yell at him. He looks away and doesn't say anything.

"Why do I have to be the one? Why not Craig or Kenny or Butters or whoever? Why me, dammit!" I continue. "It's just something you know..." he responds. I push him against the wall. "You know what? You're psychotic! It's as if I kiss you you'll be happy but that's ridiculous! You're ridiculous! Insane even!" I continue to ramble and rant.

"Well, how do you know that you're straight? You have trouble with girls all the time." Stan asks me. "I have trouble because I'm an asshole and stupid or they turn gay on me! I know that it's not right to kiss a guy...at least for me!" I rant some more.

"Well how do you know if you don't try? The only time was when I did it and you passed out." he continues to taunt me. He's daring me to kiss him...I can tell. He wants me and he's trying to use my pigheadedness against me. No, I won't fall for it. But...how do I know without trying? NO! Don't think it Kyle!

"I know what you want me to do! You want me to go in blindly and prove to you that I'm straight by kissing you but it's not going to happen because this is just a ploy! A fucking trick!" I yell at him. He continues to smile. He's mocking me! Fucking Stan...he's just doing this on purpose. "You know what..." I grab his shoulders. His eyebrows lift in surprise. "I'll fucking show you!" I say before pressing my lips against his hard. A second later it finally registers what I'm doing...I'm kissing him!

Holy shit!

I quickly break the kiss and look at him. He looks almost as surprised as I feel. No, this isn't happening. No, no No NO! "Oh God, what did I just do? Why oh why? It's all your fault! No, I didn't want to but that smile, mocking me!" I yell out. I feel so dizzy. Stan touches my shoulder but I hit him away. "Don't touch me! Don't come near me! I need to go away, far away! You don't understand! Why did I have to do that!" I continue to ramble. What the hell am I saying, thinking, feeling? I run...I just run. But I don't get far.

Wendy is waiting for me with a disgusting grin.

Shit...she now knows...

* * *

End of Chapter VI

HDM: quicker than expected...but also short. So, leave reviews please.


	7. Surprise

Chapter VII

Surprise

HDM: guys, I'm really not fond of this story as much as I hoped for...I don't feel so much as a bond. Maybe it's because it's so ordinary...high school drama, cliques, kids influenced by the radio, normal stuff. Ironically, my hero/villain (you can guess who) is one people don't like because of his assholeishness. I know...people acting like this is mean and it's petty to bash on people but it's everywhere...and my characters are no saints and they join the bashing (at least with this story). Don't be surprise if I make this into a twist. So yeah...here's my fantastic catastrophe.

* * *

Die-Ary Entry Number II

Tuesday 12:00 NOON

I didn't go to school today because I didn't want to face anyone. My mom gave me a hard time about it but she let it go. I remember picking the strings of my guitar and not knowing what the hell I'm playing. Sure, I realize I acted like an asshole to Stan and probably to those emo kids as well but why do I have to be the fucking saint?

They are no better; I mean I remember last year they always started with me. These kids aren't the typical sobbing-crying-my-heart-out buggers; they used to be normal kids like me...assholeish and arrogant. Junior year, that's when emo got really popular but it wasn't like an epidemic either. I hated the way they all sound alike but I didn't bash the kids who listened to it back then.

Then, they started to pick fights with me. Okay, sometimes I do start it but most of the time I'm kidding...did we lose our sense of humor. The one time in my Art III class, someone put on a CD and the one song had My Chemical Romance's 'I'm not Okay'. I made a joke where one of the emo kids overheard. I said "He sounds like a screeching cat...well then again he is a puss." to my other friend. The kid looks over and glares.

Of course, I ask him what's the deal and he comes out saying "You don't know what good you punkass." I was thinking 'What the fuck?' but I let it go. Then, Pennywise comes on and the same kid says "This guy sucks, punk is so dead..." and other bullshit things just to get me mad. I'm thinking, again, 'Okay, this guy is being a bitch' but again I don't say a thing. The kid got the song to play MCR again and put it on repeat. I just about had enough with this asshole.

I got up and walked over to the kid and asked him "What's your problem?" and he's going off on how I'm an asshole and I have shitty tastes in music and I'm emo-bashing even though I look the part (not true) and other bullshit. Yes, at my school we fight about musical tastes because we're so heavily influenced by the radio and we cannot read a book or have a life. Then at lunch a bunch of them started throwing _ham_ at me...fucking ham!

Since then, I had a dislike for all emo kids...but it's more of the cocky ones who either parade around about how they want to die or tell kids like me that we're assholes for misunderstanding them. The ones who like the music but don't embrace the "look" per say are alright because they're not shoving it in anyone's face. So, before anyone starts saying to me that I'm an asshole and I care too much about bashing emo kids, they have no idea or haven't seen this realm in high school.

I'm going to go eat and lie down...write later.

Same day 4:00 PM

Kenny came over today after school and dropped off my books. He told me how all the kids think that I am MIA or some other crazy bullshit. I thought that was pretty funny...I guess I'm just so god damn popular. I got a bunch of papers from my teachers and some slip about being on the Winter Formal committee. Yeah right, the only people who do that are the popular bitches and the school-spirited geeks...I should know I was one of them many years ago. Kenny opens a window and lights a cigarette while I rummage through my stuff. I looked to see that the new issue of the Bull-itan is out. Kenny told me that Cartman has a new story that made front page that I will personally enjoy.

**ATTENTION! NEO-NAZIS INVADE SOUTH PARK HIGH!**

**According to reliable sources, many boys have been adapting the look of short-long bang-to the side-look once taken by Adolf Hitler. Earlier this year, many were scene throwing ham and shouting remarks of Anti-Semitism to an anonymous (but a bit of an asshole) Jewish boy. They are now growing in numbers and making anyone who feels left out in the world having a place to go. **

**This cult is growing at an intense rate, almost everyone is catching this 'Nazi flu'. They have been scene dressing alike, walking alike, talking alike, and even have the same odor...some say it's the smell of sauerkraut but to us true Americans "liberty cabbage". The only thing worse than a smelly German is swarms of smelly Germans...see pg A12 for complete story. **

After Kenny left my mom came in to say I have an appointment down at the Psycho Ward...no I'm not exaggerating that IS the name of the clinic! I begged her to let me stay but she just said I was going in a half-hour. I threw a desk lamp at the door...it only nicked the paint on the door. How could she do this to me! I'm not crazy! I'm perfectly, completely, utterly, sane! I can't even write right now!

**END OF DIE-ARY ENTRY

* * *

**

She drop me off outside the clinic but refuse to come in. She reassures me that they know I'm coming and she doesn't want to disturb anyone but I know she doesn't want to realize her son needs help. I watch her drive away as a cloud of dust follow. I walk in to smell Lysol in the air and soft music in the background. I walk up to the receptionist's desk and she gives me this look...must be the hair. "Ah, Kyle...the doctor will see you now..." she points me toward the end of the hall.

As I walk down the halls, I can hear screams and the sounds of electricity. I stupidly look into the door and see someone being treated for electro-shock therapy. I pick up the pace till I nearly run into the door. I open the door and look and see all of these diplomas on the wall, a giant bookcase, and even a stereo with a variety of music. It's not even some cruddy old-time geezer music but some Ramones, Sex Pistols, Iron Maiden, Pearl Jam, and even some Flogging Molly. "I'm glad you like my collection." I hear behind me. That voice sounds so familiar. I turn to see who it is...

It's Maleah...

"Surprise!" she chirps as she spins in her red leather chair. I just stare, gaping at the sight. No, Maleah is a senior at my high school! This must be another ploy or trick...it has to be! Or, maybe she's here for treatment! Yes, she just thinks she's the doctor! She's just a psycho...unlike me who's perfectly sane...I am sane, right? Oh god!

"You look...well awkward!" she says to me. Hm, I must be showing my OBVIOUS frantic state! "How...when...why..." I start to ask but just comes out garbled. "Well, I am a psychologist...but I am pushing for my medical sometime soon...you go to college for that. I guess I started in the fall and I don't know how to answer the why..." she began. I just shook my head. "No not literally! I just mean...uh...something? I don't know what I want to know." I stammer. She ushers me to a chair but I don't want to sit.

After about three more minutes of me hyperventilating she explains the whole situation. She's eighteen but a basic child prodigy. Her parents are a Woodstock and liberal mother and a Reaganite and a lawyer father. She has been through college and is in Psychology and doing a thesis on the teenage psyche and through her research she's going back to high school and taking notes first hand how high school can damage or improve the psyche. She doesn't want to spend her days in an office all her life so she's joining the Peace Corps when she turns twenty-two and then back-packing Europe and go to Kiev, Ukraine or some other crazy city.

"Why am I here?" I ask her. She looks at me and just smiles. "You're the one who's supposed to tell me." she responds. Great, she's a smartass, too. "I don't know why I'm here...I just know that people piss me off and I shouldn't have to be here to talk about my problems with you." I snap. She gets up and goes toward the bookshelf. She points to the CDs. I point at the Ramone's Rocket to Russia and the Cretin Hop came blaring. We just listened to the music and she didn't even write anything down.

"Why aren't you writing anything like what the subject is experiencing and such?" I ask her. She shrugs her shoulders and hums the tune to We're a Happy Family. "This song reminds me of Kenny..." I muse allowed, almost forgetting Maleah is right there. "Why?" she asks. "Eh...family I guess..." I say vaguely. She just nods. Why doesn't she write anything down? "Kyle...we can just sit here and listen to music for an hour if you want to..." she informs me. "I don't think my mother would like to pay for that when I can do that for free..." I reply.

"No...this is a free clinic..." she responds, "No charge...I'm paid by the university so we can just chill here and you can choose if you want to talk or just listen to music." she explains. "Can I choose not to come?" I ask her bitterly. "No, you're a minor and your mother wants you here once a week...sorry." she replies.

Gr...

* * *

Later that Night!

I woke up to rapping at my window to see Stan outside with pebbles. "Kyle!" he whispers slightly. "What!" I whisper back. "Come with me!" he says. This is awkward...it's like five in the morning. This is the guy who I have dreading...and wanting to see for awhile. This is a dilemma...maybe I should just go back to bed...or should I go...what to do? "...Fine..." I say reluctantly. I put on my sneakers and climb out the window. He leads me to Stark's Pond and then through the forest. Where the hell is he taking me? He sits up on this fallen and twisted tree trunk. "Look through the trees..." he instructs me, "The sun is going to come up soon."

The sun, oddly enough, starts to rise when he said it. The rays bounce across the half-frozen lake, making the ice and water glimmer. The rays twisted through the tree branches, highlighting the greens in the pine and scattering more across the area. Birds start to chirp, adding the background music to the scenery. It's all wonderfully serene. "Wow..." is all I can think of to say. "Yeah I know...I was at awe when I first saw it." Stan says. I almost forgot Stan was even here.

"How did you find this?" I ask him. He looks at me and smiles. "When we had that...encounter that day...I just went berserk...I had no idea what to think or who to go to...so I ran off and stayed all night here, just thinking. When I woke up I just saw this and I guess I had an epiphany or something." he explains. I look away...what can you say to that.

"I'm sorry about that...I shouldn't have kissed you...I really haven't been myself lately and it feels like I'm not in control of my actions..." I try to explain but Stan just shakes his head. "Don't think about the past or what's awaiting us when we go home...let's just have this..." he whispers. He's so close to me...his breath is so warm even though it's quite cold. I hang my head but he tilts it up. He's so close...and so warm. My eyes grow heavy...I feel so light headed. He gently places his lips on mine...so cold and yet...

I feel so warm...

* * *

End of Chapter 7

HDM: Really short but yeah...that's about all I can write...ADD is kicking in I believe...got lazy on the grammar and spelling so I'm sorry XP

xx_x_xx**HDM**xx_x_xx


	8. Evol sounds like Evil

Chapter VIII

Evol sounds like evil

HDM: Yay!

* * *

**A cynic is not merely one who reads bitter lessons from the past, he is one who is prematurely disappointed in the future. **_Sidney J. Harris__

* * *

_

"Do you think that we have a purpose on this earth?"

"I would think so...although welfare hinders it a bit..."

"What if we're not meant for anything. What if we're meant to just lull around and watch our lives fade away?"

"This is some deep thinking, a lot on your mind?"

"You could say that..."

I looked up at her; she still doesn't have the notepad. Maybe she's taking notes in her head; she is a genious. "Do you see the glass of milk half empty or half full?" she asked me. I thought about it for a bit. "I see it as milk that I didn't finish..." I replied. She chuckled softly to herself and moved a bit in her seat.

"A cynic of the world, eh? So when you smell flowers you search for a coffin?" she said to me. I couldn't help but smile. "Actually, I start to sneeze...I'm allergic." I told her. This how we spent most of the time; she doesn't really pry into my life and I don't really care to share. I am however getting more and more headaches and feel a little nauseous going every week. Maybe it's just the atmosphere...maybe.

_...  
**Kyle's Mind**  
..._

_Are you happy with this choice?_

What? Who's there?

_I can take up the reins..._

What are you talking about?

_Even if you don't realize that I'm doing it...

* * *

_

Every time I go there I always see Stan waiting for me. It's our secret rendezvous I guess. My mother doesn't expect me home for another hour so we usually go to his house and mess around. I can't remember why I was so against being with Stan, I remember something telling me inside that this is wrong and I am wrong...it doesn't make sense. When I'm with him, his energy just blinds me from reality. But, he says it's love...I see it as a distraction from it all. I don't know why I need him as a distraction but I just can't deal with anything anymore...pretty distinct, huh?

His eyes hypnotize me...clear and distinguished but still so innocent. They're ignorant of the evils in the world and the people that create it. The innocence is addicting because I can never have it...again, I cannot remember what took away my innocence but it must have been horrible. In fact, I really can't remember much of what I did when I was a kid...sure I remember when I was eight and nine but I can't remember being ten or eleven. Did I just have amnesia or is there something mentally blocking it? Maleah could crack it but I really don't want to find out. No, don't let me think about this...not now...

"Kyle, what's wrong...you look so upset..."

"Don't worry about it Stan, I'm fine, you're fine, we're all fine! Let's just have this...and not think about tomorrow..."

He clinged to my back as I pressed my body against his; now begins the fight for dominance. Physically, he's the one but I am intelligently and emotionally superior (not saying he's stupid...I'm just beyond his comprehension). So, I win the battle as I pin him to his own comfortable bed. The radio is blaring so no one can hear our noise...our blissful noise. I dive into his mouth, running my tongue over every little bump and taste buds. I keep running my hands down his sides; making him moan every time. I start sucking on his neck and I get him to cry in ecstasy. "Say my name..." I whispered hoarsly in his ear as I start to unbutton his jeans. He grabbed the brass bars of his bed and starts to moan my name as I go down south...

I drove back home and went right to my room. I got a message from Kenny, saying he wants to session at his house tonight so I grab my guitar and head out the door once again. I tried to find a parking spot but there's a lot of cars parked around his apartment. I go up to see that it's not just him but at least ten other people in the room. They shout my name and started handing me shots. I put it down and tried to find Kenny among the crowd. I found him on his couch on top of some brunette. I nudge him and he looks up with this goofy look on his face. "Hey buddy, finally came!" he said as the brunette gives me a dirty look.

"Kenny, what the fuck?" I asked him while he stumbles off of the little tart. "Funny story, my mom left a whole shitload of liquor and you weren't here yet and I had the brilliant idea to throw a bash!" he slurred, "Come on, Kyle. Lighten up and have a drink!" I shake my head and started to head out the door. Then, she stopped me. I don't even look at her...why should I?

"Kyle! I haven't seen you in so long!" she squealed. She tried to hug me but I pushed her away. "What's your problem? Oh, are you still mad about me dumping you for Cherie? God, that was ages ago and I'm not even with her anymore!" she spazzed. "So you want to pretend that it's all okay? Is that what you want to believe? Well, get a clue...it's not okay, you screwed me over and now you think we can mess around like before? Get over yourself..." I spat as I shoved my way out the door.

Kenny caught me at my car and just looked at me. "Kyle, what's gotten into you?" he slurred. His naturally true blue eyes are dulled by the alcohol. "Leave me alone Kenny...I don't want to talk to you." I muttered but he didn't get the hint. He pressed his palm against my right shoulder, maybe a little too hard. "Hey, is this about Stan? Are you with Stan? Tell me, Kyle; you never talk to me!" he yelled.

I turn sharply and pull his shirt close. "Don't you EVER mention him like that again! You hear me!" I threaten. He didn't back down; in fact, he pushed harder. "You do...you have a thing with Stan and you're too ashamed to admit it...in fact...it's one of your skeletons in your closet you don't anyone to find out!" he starts ranting. His breath reeks...and he's mad.

"Kenny, you're my friend...best friend even! I'm sorry I couldn't tell but I don't know how you would react! I mean, it's kind of hard to say to anyone really that you have a secret infatuation with a guy when yourself isn't truly convinced you're actually gay...it's quite complicated. Besides, this isn't anything deep...just a fling..." I tried to explain._ "Just a fling! Is that what you call it now? What about two years back, Kyle! Was that just a fling!"_ he raved. I felt a pit in my stomach; my eyes bugged out.

"What are you saying?"

You know _DAMN_ well what I'm saying...after school visits..."

"No..."

"You and me...in your room..."

_"Stop it!"_

You _begging_ me to continue to..."

_"NO!"_

KEEP GOING

I shoved him away from me and started to run. He quickly caught up to me and tackled me to the ground. His weight is too much; I can't move him. "Get off of me!" I screamed, "I don't know what you're talking about! I'm straight! I'm straight, not gay! We were never 'we' and Stan and I aren't 'together'! Why can't anyone leave me alone?" Kenny pressed my shoulders down and looked straight at me. Memories...begin to come back...

* * *

_We were in my room; the Ataries's Dear Diary was playing on the radio. Our bags were near my door...we were supposed to be studying. But instead...we were on my bed...kissing each other. Our bodies were pressed against one another as we continue this taboo ritual every other day. This continued for a couple of months...but why did it stop? If we were so passionate; why didn't it continue and why do I have no recollection of this event? If this what I wanted...why am I not gay...or rather why do I resist?

* * *

_

_...  
Do not worry...you don't have to think about the past..._

You again…who are you?

_Your conscience, so to speak...but I'm not so good...call me Malory_

Malory?

_I can...assist you if you like...to deal with the things you do not want to do..._

Can you?

* * *

"Kyle?" I heard Kenny say. I open my eyes...and I'm still on the ground. "You blacked out for a bit...are you okay?" he asked me. I feel so refreshed, like I've been asleep for so long. Recap...I'm on someone's lawn and my friend is somewhat drunk and has me pinned to the ground after blurting a deep seeded secret I purposely "lost" in my mind...why do I think this is a turn on?

"You caught me Kenny...I've been a bad bad little boy...will you punish me?" I pouted. He shook his head and did a double take. "Kyle, are you alright? I didn't think you hit your head that bad..." Kenny slurred. Oh right, he thinks I'm delusional...that's sort of upsetting.

"Oh come now, Kenny...you out of all people could pick up the sexual innuendo such as that? Come now, it's so obvious I want you because I cannot have you..."

"Kyle...you need to go home and lie down...you're not alright..."

"I'm not alright because I don't have you..."

"You're not okay..."

"And you're drunk...so let's take those "excuses" and run with them..."

A half hour later, we were stark naked on his bed. Music from the 'party' drowned out our moans and bed creaking noise. He shoved me onto his bed and dove into my mouth. I rubbed his torso as he starts squeezing my ass. He flipped me on my stomach and started to straddle me...getting ready...for the ultimate pleasure...and pain...but why is there someone standing outside the doorway?

"KYLE!"

"STAN?"

_"HOW COULD YOU?"

* * *

_

_**One Hour Later**  
_**  
xGlamRockQueenx: **hey it's Bebe, how are you Kyle?

**xxKiLLtheSYSTEMxx: **Not good...but oh well, how are you and Clyde?

**xGlamRockQueenx: **eh, not speaking...which is kinda obvious lol

**xxKiLLtheSYSTEMxx: **True...he still flinches when he sees me X-D haha

**xGlamRockQueenx: **What happened to that Maleah girl? Did she transfer?

**xxKiLLtheSYSTEMxx: **I guess...haven't really heard from her

**xGlamRockQueenx: **g2g I'll ttyl cya Kyle! ;-3

**_xGlamRockQueenx signed off_**

...  
You! You were the one with Stan, huh!

_You could say that...in all reality it was you..._

No! Why are you doing this? I don't want this!

_You do...or I do...whatever works out...either way I get my prize...  
_  
And that would be?

**_Pleasure..._**  
..

* * *

**End of Chapter VIII**

**HDM: **Shorty but needed...Review and make me smile!


	9. Beelz

**Chapter IX**

**Beelz**

HDM: SORRY for the long update but I had a bunch of stuff to do, I just moved from Quakertown to Philly and I had a bunch of stuff to take care of with family and stuff. T.T;; Okay well I hope this is good enough, I didn't put a lot because I wanted it done and over with? PLEASE review and make me smile? XD

XXXXX(the ruler isn't working to I'm using 'X's)XXXXXXX

_There's no light...only darkness. The blood is dripping from your eyes, crying tears of crimson. Scarlet letters are written all around the room...written in the same blood. What does it say; it is too dim to see. You try to walk to the walls but something is keeping you from reaching the wall. Are they shackles? No, it's skeleton hands...gripping against your ankles. They're digging so bad that it's ripping to the bone. Now, what's around your neck? It's your own personal noose...and now there's no ground to stand...and you fall all...the...way...down..._

That was my last nightmare this week...well the last one because I have stopped sleeping. I am on day five of my sleep strike. Have you ever felt so tired but you are wired? That is the feeling I have right now and it is really weird. I do not want to sleep because I keep seeing two women that really horrify me. The one is Malory, or what I can fathom. She looks like a two cent whore down in Reno. It is not that scares me but what she says to me.

_"Have you ever been fucked with a razorblade?" _

Agh! I still can't get it out of my skull. All I could see is this old fashion blade barbers use going under her skirt and hearing her scream...not out of pain but pleasure. The other woman I cannot make out in the nightmares but she too always makes my skin crawl. How will I be able to explain to Stan that I wasn't the one who was cheating but it was an alter ego? Come to think of it, I am not attracted to Stan or any other guy until Malory starts intervening...or that's what I'm figuring. "Hey Stan! Guess what? Remember the other night? Well, actually, it wasn't me; it was this other person inside me! Yeah, so we can still be friends!" Give me a break...

Kenny doesn't remember anything about the other night, or rather the truth. He thinks that he had hard-core sex with this redhead chick but no details beyond that. I am sort of glad he does not remember because he would be another one I would have to explain what exactly happen. I just can't comprehend what happened. How can I do something without having no control? God, I was having _sex _with Kenny?

_"Kenny is a better fuck than Stan. He makes me feel so good...but two fucks are better than one"_

Again, her words just penetrate my brain every time I think of Kenny or Stan...or anything 'sexual'. I do not want to think, I just want to be left alone. Why is this happening to me, now? My mother keeps pestering me about the stupidest bullshit like: 'Why aren't you sleeping?', 'You worry me is there something wrong?', and 'Why do you shut me out?' I really do not have to answer her bullshit right now while I have _this _to deal with. Sure, it sounds pretty cruel but once I answer one question ten more are thrown out in two seconds and I have neither the time nor the energy to deal with her nosiness.

**Dissociate identity disorder (DID), formerly called multiple personality disorder. Dissociation can be described as a temporary mental escape from the fear and pain of the trauma. The trauma often involves severe emotional, physical or sexual abuse; even after the trauma is long past, however, the leftover pattern of dissociation to escape stressful situations continues. **

**A person with DID has two or more different personality states - sometimes referred to as "alters" - each of whom takes control over the person's behavior at some time. Each alter might have distinct traits, personal history, and way of thinking about and relating to his or her surroundings. An alter might even be of a different gender, have his or her own name, and have distinct mannerisms or preferences.**

That was what I found on well a small summary. I figure to do some research of what I have. I also looked into Schizophrenia but that doesn't fit well. I also rented this movie called Sybil that is about DID and that freaked the shit out of me. I hope I don't develop into that. What I don't get is the cause of DID don't seem to work with me. I don't recall any traumatic experience in my life that would cause my brain to split into a different alter ego.

_There's some blood running down my legs..._

Yeah, I really needed to hear that...

_Why are you mad at me? What did I do wrong?_

You fucked up my friendship with Stan!

_Besides that..._

I want you to get out of my fucking head and leave me the hell alone! You caused enough problems.

_Oh poo, I was having so much fun...I think I'll pass the whole leaving thing..._

I ripped a piece of hair out of my skull out of frustration. I can't think rationally without this thing listening to me. My phone is ringing as well. I looked to see it's Stan. Shit, should I pick it up? I can't explain to him about what's happening, he won't get it. But I can't just hide like a pussy either. Aw man, what should I do? Oh, it doesn't matter now because it stopped ringing. A moment later, the phone beeped. I looked to see it's a voicemail from Stan. I called my voicemail to listen.

"Hey Kyle, it's Stan. I know you're avoiding me but we gotta have a talk. Was that really you? Did Kenny force you to do that because I know he's forceful when he's drunk. Just talk to me Kyle! I promise I won't yell or get too angry, just please talk to me!"

_I'll talk to him if you want_

That won't help the situation; you've done plenty

_Please, I do feel awful about it and I'll explain everything_

...fine...doesn't look like I have a choice anyway

**Later that Night (Malory POV)**

There isn't a car in the driveway. It looks like the parents have gone out for a bit. So tempting but alas I _do _have a reason for being here. I knocked on the door three times and idly waited for an answer. Stan opened the door and looked at me. He looks so cute with his messy hair and the south park football uniform. "Come in" he said shortly. I walked in and examined the living room. There are pictures of the family and a couple of football trophies. There's also a picture of Kyle and him in the fourth grade.

"So, you want to know the whole story, correct?" I started to say while I took a seat on his couch. He nodded his head while accompanying me on the couch. "You know the time when Ky- I mean I kissed you at school and the other day?" I ask him. "Yeah, hey why is your voice kinda funny? Have you always combed your hair like that?" he asked me. "I'm getting to that. Well, that wasn't exactly me. In fact, I'm not Kyle." He looked at me as if I was nuts. "Sure, you're not Kyle, then who are you?" he asked sarcastically. "I'm an alter ego...another version of your friend Kyle...you can call me Maleah or nothing at all." I explained.

"You're nuts, Kyle. Totally and completely nuts! In fact, I think you're saying this as a poor attempt to get out of the fact you were with Kenny!" Stan yelled. "Kyle wouldn't lie through his teeth...and he is straight." I said meekly. Stan blinked a few times. "What are you talking about?" he said. "Like what he's been screaming at you this whole time. He is straight but I do find you rather alluring. I'm keeping myself from pouncing on you because Kyle doesn't want me to." I tell him while stroking his leg. He blushes a bit but shakes his head.

"Even if this is true, I could never get too close to...well you because Kyle doesn't feel the same about me." he said with a sad inflection. I caressed his cheek. "It can be a secret...a little rendezvous between us two. You still have feelings for us...and I love the pleasure so why not?" I whispered in his ear. "It's...not right..." he stammered. "This isn't right to begin with...let's set off our taboo beginning with a bang..." I started to caress his thigh. He slightly moans and looked at me with a sense of longing and desire.

And I loved every second.

We didn't talk for the rest of the night. The only noises were of pleasure and slight pain. We stripped off our shirts and caressed each other's torso. He began to grope every part of me. I rubbed his back as I started to suck his soft neck. He let out a gasp and gripped my back. I pushed him on bottom and planted a row of kisses from his neck to his jeans's button. He flipped me on my back and sucked on my neck roughly. I let out a gasp and a moan while he continued to caress my body. We were so close, our bodies moved together in a fluid motion.

He began to rub my jeans and looked at me. There's an animalistic expression on his face like I'm his prey. "What's wrong?" I asked him as I stretched my body, protruding my torso out slightly. "This isn't the same, this isn't what I want?" he meekly replied. "We never know what we want in life so we should take everything we can while we can." I coolly reply. Before he could say a word I silenced him with a kiss. He embraced me to intensify the kiss. It's as if he's trying to forget about it all.

Well, isn't sex a way to forget?

**That morning (Kyle)**

I woke up to the sound of my cell phone. I look to see it's my mom. Why would she be calling me? "Hello?" I answered. Kyle! We called the house and Ike said you're not there! Where are you Kyle!" she shrieked. What, I am home...I looked to see that I am not in my room. I turned my head to see..._Stan_! Oh shit, what's going on? Why am I here? Oh god oh god oh god! "Uh...um I went out to get something at the convenient store." I stammered. "Well get home soon, I need you home when Ike goes to his soccer practice! We'll be home by dinner!" and I hear the click of the killed line.

_Good morning!_

You! Why am I here? I thought you were going to talk to him!

_I did...among other things_

NO!

I jumped out of the bed, waking Stan. He looks up sleepily at me but suddenly woke up. "K-Kyle!" he stammered. He tried to approach me but I pushed him away. "Keep away from me, this is fucking nuts...how could you?" I rambled. Before he could explain himself I ran out the door. I could hear his mom greet me from behind but I didn't acknowledge her. How could this be happening to me! What did I do to deserve all of this? This is horrible, somebody just stop the madness!

There's nowhere to run to, what am I thinking! Oh wait, that's right, I can't think. There's someone always there, listening and watching everything I do and say and think and ACT! "GET OUT!" I start screaming. I run towards a wall and start punching the shit out of it. I don't know how the hell this will help me. What will help me? Maleah, MALEAH! She'll know what to do! She's a shrink, she knows how to get rid of problems, that's her job? Where's her office? Is it downtown or on the outskirts of town? Gah! Why didn't I pay attention when my mom drove me!

_You can never run away_

"Shut up!" I scream aloud. People stare but I don't care.

_I will _never _leave you!_

"GET OUT OF MY HEAD!"

"Kyle! Wait!"

I heard Stan calling me from behind. No, he can't help but she can. Where is the office? Think Kyle, your sanity depends on simple fucking directions! God, no...why can't I fucking remember! Help me, someone help me! I need someone, anyone to show me where to go!

_KYLE!_

"SHUT UP!"

"KYLE! WAIT!"

"LEAVE ME ALONE!"

_KYLE!_

"KYLE! WATCH OUT!"

And then there was a flash of light...

xxXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXxx

**End of Chapter IX**

HDM: Like it, hate it, want to vomit your innards? Tell me! Haha…wow too much sugar.

Reviewers who made me laugh:

**Marie Terensky**: No you don't annoy me, I love reviews, you made me smile!

**NarutoBlackmail**: Yes he was cheating lol and to your PS not...I do not partake in emo, screamo, hardcore, or whatev you kids call it nowadays XP (don't yell at me I'm funny...no I'm not) I'm just a little ol' metal/punkish kid but I don't care what anyone else listens just don't have it around me when I say I don't like it ;;; XD thanks again for the compliment

**Indiana Beach Bum**: I'm going to work on more mini sagas with the characters probably after this chapter. Yes, I pride myself on making a creepy and asshole Kyle...because most stories he's the same guy...I like to spice it up! Thank you again! XD

**BroflovskiFan**: I can't say yes or no about killing anyone, Malory just likes a lot of sex...that's all I can really give away but I don't believe it'll be like that...well you've read my other story you can figure it out

And if anyone sees Faery Goddyss tell her that to wander over here! X3


	10. Cancerous

Chapter X

Cancerous

HDM: Ok, I know long update but I finally thought of the chapter and what I want out of it. Here's the bonus for all you readers out there. If someone tells me the correct number of pop culture references in this chapter you will guest star. Tell me in the review and I will reply back to you to tell you if you're right and ask for the appropiate information.

* * *

_What is that noise? _

I slowly woke up to the sound of an ambulance siren droning on in my ear. I felt my body being lifted up slowly. The paramedics were moving their lips but I can only hear the siren screaming. I can see people in the distance. I see Stan screaming, Bebe crying, and Clyde being handcuffed. My head throbs in pain and I try to let out a noise but nothing comes out. The sirens are the only thing I can hear before I black out.

_"What's the prognosis?"_

_"He got hit by a car in the hip. The guy didn't get far, though."_

_"Will he be ok?"_

_"Hopefully, with rest..."_

I woke up to see an attractive nurse next to me. She was a cute blonde that reminded me awkwardly of the nurse from Enema of the State. The Robert Palmer song is ringing in my head now; maybe it's because of the concussion. The doctor came in to tell me what happened and so forth but I wasn't really listening. The nurse gave me a remote and some juice. I sipped on the juice slowly as I flipped through the channels.

_Jerry Springer...I don't need to watch rednecks incoherently when I live in South Park_

_Maury...a sane person cannot bear to hear "You are NOT the father" seven times..._

_Teletubbies...no need for a comment here_

My family came in right after the doctor. My mother was sobbing and my father just looked sad. Ike put a card on my night stand. "Oh my bubbalah! My poor baby, why would this happen to you!?" my mother was blubbering. "We'll sue the pants off that boy! No one dares hurts my Kyle. Bubbalah, oh my bub-" her words were lost in the tears. My father just held my mother while she shrilled incoherent woes and threats.

Ike just looks around the hospital room. "Why were you running in the street, Kyle?" he asked me critically.

"Ike! Don't torment your brother with such nonsense!" my mother screeched. He winced at her voice but persisted.

"Why did you run into the street?"

"I don't remember..." I croaked.

"Or you don't want to remember."

"IKE!!"

"What is it Kyle? Do you remember or don't you want to remember?"

"I don...know..."

The nurse ushered my family out of the room in the nick of time. She gave me my medication and gave a sweet smile. I tried to smile but it hurt too much. Every fiber of my being was screaming. I couldn't move an inch without a sharp twist of pain.

_Cheers...isn't that chick from the Jenny Craig commercials?_

_I love the 90s...because we need to know about the 90s as if we've forgotten about Vanilla Ice...(we want to though)_

_MTV...where's the music?_

Kenny came in shortly after the nurse left. "Hey dude, that nurse is hot as shit!" he tells me as if I was blind, "I gave her a pat and he slapped my face!" I let out a small chuckle despite the pain I feel in my chest.

"Seriously, dude...Clyde is locked up! I didn't see it but people say he was gunning for you!"

"Probably because I kicked the living shit out of him."

"When did you do that? Oh shit, and Stan was screaming at one of the paramedics. You should have seen him!"

"Why?"

"He was saying all this crap...like you did this because of him! Other crazy bullshit like that and then some! Dude, what is with that kid?!"

I just looked away. Kenny kept rambling about other bits of gossip. What did Stan do? Did he actually chase me? Why was I running away? It hurts too much to recall the incident. I remember...nothing. Am I just...not allowing myself to remember? Why can I not remember!? Then it hit me like a wave. Malory, Stan, Maleah, everything hit me. I start shaking. No, NO this cannot be happening. Why can't it be a stupid, horrendous dream!?

_"I'm an alter ego...another version of your friend Kyle...you can call me Maleah or nothing at all."_

Why did she say Maleah's name and not her own? Is she trying to pull a maneuver? Was it a mistake? Or, are they one in the same? Can it be that Maleah put this notion in my head? Why would she do that? Do all psychiatrists put ailments in patients' brains? That's what they say about many people and their diseases...

_Sibyl_

_Three Faces of Eve_

_That guy from Oprah_

Okay the last one I just saw on the TV and I don't know his name. But, maybe this isn't a real disease. Maybe, it's all an act that Hollywood as dressed up as a horrific but terrific guise to cover up mass murders and other nefarious deeds! Maybe it's a government conspiracy; maybe Maleah isn't even a therapist and it was all a dream that happened because of a pill some government agent gave me at lunch! That makes perfect sense...

_If anyone can read your thoughts right now...they would think you've gone bonkers. _

"Dude, are you okay?"

Kenny's voice broke my train of disorganized thought. I slowly looked over at him. "Do you need that nurse back in here?" he asked me. I shook my head to his disappointment I'm guessing. "Kenny..." I croaked.

"Yeah?"

"Do you remember Craig's party?"

"A little bit. I was shit-faced and I scored with some red head...wait didn't I tell you that already?"

"I was that red head..."

His eyes widened a second after I uttered those words. He blinked several times and his jaw slacked a bit. He looks utterly dumbfounded. "No...that couldn't be..." he says while combing his fingers through his dirty blonde hair. "No, you didn't go to the party!" he yelled. I let out a heavy sigh. This is typical of Kenny; I'm not too surprised at the reaction.

You see, whenever Kenny pounds one too many, he's notorious for fooling around with anonymous women without remembering the night. Whether this is on purpose or true, he always denies. There were a few incidents that he did have sex with a guy. Don't get me wrong, my good friend isn't swinging both ways all the time; only when he's shit-faced.

_All My Children_

_Guiding Light_

_Telemundo!_

"Kenny, it happened. I don't hold it against you, though. I know you were hammered and you had no idea that I was...well me." I told him. I shifted my body upright so I can sit up. He looked away from me. He stepped closer to me. His eyes slowly return towards me and just stares before he speaks.

"I knew it was you, Kyle..."

Now, I was the one upset. "WHAT!?" I bellowed. He winced at my voice. "You KNEW and you just..._fucked _me! What the fuck, dude!? What was going through your mind!?" I was lashing out at the blonde. He did not say anything while I kept ranting and raving. My sides are screaming in pain and my throat was dry and rough but I did not care. Finally, he pushed me down, shutting me up quickly.

"Will you SHUT the fuck up!?" he yelled back. His eyes are narrow as his locks of hair stroke my cheek. I think I saw this in a movie somewhere. This is the part where he reveals another secret and he either kills me or kisses me. Either way, it is bad for me. He quickly got off of me to pace around the room.

"I didn't think! I was drunk and I thought you were too and well...I thought you would forget as well but obviously that didn't happen!"

"That's no excuse, dude!"

"I thought it was like what we did two years back!!"

_Pennywise_

_Metallica_

_Taboo love affair_

It's flooding back to me. All the repressed memories that I've kept locked away for so long. There's too much, too much to bear. The room is spinning; Kenny starts to panic. I hear him call out my name several times but he sounds so far away. The light blinds me; everything turns black.

_It was the beginning of sophomore year. I was in the punk scene, listening to the Ramones with an ensemble that consisted of chain pants, anarchy logos, and steel toed boots. I just broke up with this girl named Melissa. I started to slack in school and my parents were on again off again. My mother found out my father was cheating with the secretary and my father found her pills. Ike locked himself in his room and I...couldn't deal with my problems. I questioned everything that I did and my purpose. I experimented with a lot of things. I never thought I would experimented with my sexuality._

_It was simple enough. I developed a crush for Kenny but he was the one that confessed himself to me. Like myself, he was going through a bunch of change with his parents. It was brought up in a weird way. We were over his house listening to a Dead Kennedys album. I asked him about what's going on with his relationship and he just blurted it out. I was shocked, actually. He then kissed me; it felt so nice. _

_We started to have a secret relationship; we both did not want anyone to find out our secret. We would go over to his house, up into his room, turn on the stereo, and fool around. He was a terrific kisser; he taught me how to kiss better, I admit. He would kiss me slowly and then he would lace my lips with his tongue. He wrapped his arms around my waist, pulling me onto his lap. He would kiss my neck and suck until I let out a gasp. He massaged my sides and back. It is like he knows every point of pleasure on my body. He knows all the details; he is amazing. _

_Until it ended..._

_He wanted to break it off and I secretly wanted to as well. I liked it the most because it was wrong and no one knew. It made it exciting. It's not fair to Kenny to keep it up. I was really upset though, because for awhile he treated me like crap. I didn't have my old friends really, Stan had his own thing and I hated Cartman. I had school friends but they weren't 'friends'. I was depressed; I was thinking about suicide all the time. I hated myself. I hated how he made me feel. I almost overdosed on some random mix of pills and alcohol. They pumped my stomach and sent me to a treatment center._

_I can't remember anything in that center but when I returned I was my old self. I don't know what happened. The time at the treatment center, did that have a side effect on me? I would think not but what did they do to me? Did they brainwash me? Because of them, is that why I'm hearing voices? _

I woke up what seems to be a lifetime but in reality only fifteen minutes. Kenny called the nurse in and she explained that he just passed out from the medication. She escorted him out of the room so I could rest. The television was still on.

_Invader ZIM_

_Mad TV_

_Halloween 5_

Stan came in later that night. Earlier he dropped off all of these balloons and an assortment of get well presents. He begged and pleaded, asking me to forgive him. "Stan, grow a dick..." I spat, "How am I supposed to respect you when you act like a pussy? Dude, it is fine...just...stop acting like a girl already..." He blinked a couple of times, probably wondering how did he get off so easy. "This isn't a trick, right?" he asked me. I let out a moan; he's really grating my nerves. In his position, wouldn't he just accept my forgiveness instead of being stubborn? No, not Stan Marsh...he's stubborn as a fucking mule.

"Stan, I accepted your fucking apology! What else do you want from me!?"

"Well...an explanation..."

"For my actions!? You're in no position!"

He can't be serious. This was just a ruse? He wanted to know if I'm really insane...and the talk of Malory. I can't believe it. He's actually questioning me! His unkempt hair and his dark cerulean eyes and his...sincere smile.

_No! You can't be falling for him, Kyle! I mean, look at what he's made you!_

But...what make me? Being an asshole? Stepping on other people's feelings and opinions as a justification of 'what is me'?

_Exactly! You're a pansy, weak, defenseless! Accept him, you accept no dignity and no respect! _

No...

"Kyle?"

I look at him. He took a seat near my bed. "Please, I need you to leave..." I told him. His face contorted into a sad expression. "It's not you, Stan. Please understand where I'm coming from..." I started again, "You shouldn't have to wait for me to figure out my feelings...I need to figure them out...do you understand?" He gave me a soft but sad smile. He looks like he's holding back tears. "No Stan, don't do this..." I pleaded. Before I can say another cliché line he kissed my lips. He got up from his seat and headed toward the door.

"You're wrong, Kyle. I think you know what you want but you are too afraid to admit it to yourself. You are right, however. You need help...but you don't want me to help you along the way. That's fine, it's your problem. But know that when you aren't so self absorbed that there are people that care about you."

Then he was gone...

* * *

End of Chapter X

HDM: A little bit of truth in this chapter...I felt like I was writing my life XP. Eh, troubled feelings and such. So, whoever does my little contest, tell me also who's 'side' you are on. Example: I saw about (a number) pop culture references in your chapter. Blah blah goes on how I love it/hated it. I would be on Kyle's side because I like his pov and he's going through a lot or whatever. It's actually important for me who you like in the story for the next chapter. The number is relative...if your off by one or two I won't care. I'm not telling you how many people I'm going to accept because I have no idea yet.

Be good to youself...peace

HDM


	11. Butterfly Kisses

Chapter XI

Butterfly Kisses

HDM: I shall present to you the guest fanfiction: Faery Goddyss, Conchshells, and FlamingLimes. A color symbolism in this and well you'll see. The intro piece of lyrics just fits what's going on right now

* * *

_well this time I'm not going to watch myself die  
I think I made it a game to play your game  
and let myself cry  
I buried myself alive on the inside  
so I could shut you out  
and let you go away for a long time_

_xxBuried Myself Alive by the Usedxx

* * *

_

_"What day is it?"_

I awaken to nothing. Literally, there's nothing to be seen. Black velvet has surrounded me in this infinite abyss. I get up off my hospital bed to only fall. It feels like I'm floating to the bottom, if there is a bottom. I hear muffled voices surrounding me. What's going on? Am I dead? I'm a experiencing a bad acid trip? Why is there no bottom?

I land on what feels like moss. I dig my hands into the ground; it's sticky, cold, and black as it runs through my fingers and back on the ground. I continue to hear voices. "Who's there?!" I bellow into the never-ending darkness. I struggle to get on my feet. It feels like I'm being weighed down by many weights. I finally am on my feet and I trudge in a direction. I continue to scream for anyone to come and find me.

"How could you be so mean to him!!"

I whip my head around see a figure in a violet purple cloak. The only thing that I can see on the cloak is a letter C. "Who are you?" I interrogate my only company. It seems to ignore my question. "He just wants to love you!" a feminine voice springs out of the cloak.

Another cloak of violet emerges from the mossy ground. This one has an F on the cloak. "But it's not like he had it coming. I mean, look at how he acts!" another feminine voice comes out of the cloak. The previous figure just shakes her head. "What about the other one?! Don't you think he's going through some trouble here, I mean he obviously loves this one here and he's being dicked over and over again!"

"Um, excuse me?" I try to speak up.

"But don't you think it's horrible that he gets with him even though he's unstable!"

"Wait, which he is which?" I try to wrap my head around their logic. They both turn their heads toward me. I'm kind of wishing they ignore me some more. Another figure sprawls out of the ground, this time with an FG on the cloak. Oh great, another one. "Are you going to ignore me, too?" I ask the hidden figure.

"Aren't you just an angsty little character?" _she _speaks to me.

"Me?"

"You were interesting, your lives were funny, and now it's all angst and drama."

"You're watching me?"

"Well, she's really controlling your life."

She points to a figure in a red cloak. This time the hood is off of her head. Her hair is down; there are streaks of blue, green, brown, blonde, and red in her hair. She is grinning almost insanely. "Who are you!?" I scream at the figure. I neglect to notice that her cloak states HDM.

"How are you controlling my life? Are you a god or something or the fucking devil!? Are you responsible for my life right now, because you're doing a _great_ fucking job screwing it up! I was happy, I had friends, a band, and I was straight! Now, both of my best friends are infatuated with me, I haven't even thought of my band or grades for that matter, and I'm going insane, and even worse, gay!"

She just laughed.

This enraged me. My troubles, my problems, are her fault...and better yet, she's _laughing_! "STOP IT!" I scream so loud my voice is hoarse. She stops laughing and just grins. Her eyes glint something, they show nothing to give one a clue what's going through her head.

"Don't you get it Kyle? I love screwing around with people's lives, that's my job. I'm a god in your world, and you have no control of your own life. See that one over there." she points to FG, "If it was her way, you and Stan would live happily ever after and there wouldn't be so much angst and hatred. But, unfortunately for you, I'm the one controlling your life. I love your pain, I enjoy knowing you're suffering. You know why? It's entertaining, it's entertaining to dangle hope in front of your face and just _yank _it away."

"H-How could you be so...malicious?" I ask this horrible deity. "Simple, I am a villain. You're not the bad guy, although you should be; I'm your villain. You're not the hero; I don't allow heroes. Heroes become dead. Unless I change, your life will be twisted from something good into something deranged and sickening."

"And why is everyone, save Cartman, gay?"

"Oh, that's because I love gay boys. They're the only cute factor I adore."

She starts laughing. The other three fade away. NO! This isn't what I want my life to be! I want it to be, somewhat good and splendid! Is she, is this all, even true? No, it can't be. I'm the controller of my life. I want to be in charge of my life and make things right again, not be a puppet for someone's sheer amusement.

"I will not allow you to run my life!!" I scream. She stops laughing. "Oh really, that's funny, because I'm holding your strings." I look at my arms, there are strings through my limbs. I struggle but the strings rips through my flesh. She lifts me up; I'm dangling. "You're not as fun as my other pet. His insanity was literally intoxicating." she exclaims as another figure comes out.

It's a boy. It's...Kenny?

No, it isn't Kenny. This person has Kenny's old hoodie and is younger than Kenny. This 'Kenny' has raggedy and matte hair and many bruises. There's a purple furry animal on his left shoulder and a blue pixie-like creature on his right shoulder. His eyes widen when he saw me. "K-Kyle?" he breathes, "No, you're not Kyle. Kyle doesn't have black in his hair and he doesn't have piercings." What's going on?!

I pull against my strings but blood squirts out of the ripping flesh. I try biting at my strings but it's no use. "I'm sorry you're caught in her fantasy as well..." he lets out. "No, no, NO!" I cry out to no one. All I can hear is her deranged laughter.

* * *

I wake up in a cold sweat. I look around, it's my bed room. I'm in my room! I'm not in the hospital; wait...what's going on? I struggle out of my bed and hobble towards the window. There's a blanket of snow that's glistening in the morning sun. I let out a small noise; I think it was a laugh. My mother runs into the room, panicking. "Kyle! You're up! You've been out for the whole day! Are you okay, bubbala?" she presses my face against her bosom. "Mom" I cry into her breast, "I can't breathe!" She lets me go and starts kissing my cheeks a number of times.

My father and my brother walk into the room with smiles. They all look so concerned. I walk past them and into the bathroom to look at my reflection. Everything's the same, my hair isn't cut up, it's all the same! Was this, all a dream!? Wait, where am I? What day is it? I run to the calendar in my room to see that it's Sunday. Wait...Friday, Stan was over and he...he kissed me.

"Mom! What's going on? What happened?" I ask her in a panicky tone. She strokes a part of my hair. "Well, you knocked yourself unconscious, bubbala! Stan ran downstairs and told us you bashed your head on the dresser really hard. We had a doctor come in. You just had a concussion and you should rest. Oh my, Kyle, you would scream all these things, it was scaring us."

This couldn't have been all a dream. No...all of that stuff, all that drama, problems, insanity, was all a product of my imagination!? We're still all friends, Kenny and Stan didn't fuck me, all those things didn't happen to me! I'm normal, well relatively. No, this couldn't be possible, what about that creature...with the strings. That felt so real. I can't shake that, that HAS to be real.

_Take it as a second chance._

What?

_It's a restart. This is where everything fucked up. Take it and don't fuck up again._

So was it all real? This isn't just a twisted dream, this DID happen!?

_If you think about it too much, you'll go insane...again. Why can't you accept such kindness, fucking Christ sometimes I'm just too nice...you and that boy. I always give up being so evil in the end._

HDM?

_Maybe...or just a voice in your head that SHOULD act as your reasoning. _

Is this all over? Is all the drama finally done?

_You think you'll get off the hook that easily? _

Wait...what!?

I hear a faint laugh. Is this the twilight zone? I go into my bed and roll over. I just want this all to end. What is real? What is fantasy? What is...anything?

I go to school the following Monday. I meet up with Kenny and he gives me a grin. I tell him what happened, well at least what happened before 'my dream'. "So, he kissed you...then what?" he asks me. "...I passed out." I say it while thinking about this whole day. Deja vu? Kenny, as if on cue, starts laughing. Oh my God, this already happened! Oh no, except this time I'm ahead of schedule. Shit, I have to find Stan. I start running through the halls as Kenny is shouting my name through the corridors.

I see Stan walking towards Wendy. No! This is going to trigger everything back! I have to stop it, I have to stop all of this! I don't want to go through all of that again! Without even thinking, I tackle Stan from the side. He screams out of surprise as we both slide into the men's room. "K-Kyle!?" he stammers. I'm guessing this is an awkward position but I don't have time!

"Stan! Don't go near Wendy!" I yell out, even though there's no reason to yell.

"W-Why? Kyle, are you okay? How's your head?" he asks me.

"Forget it Stan, don't talk to Wendy! If you do, it'll start all over again and I'm going to hurt you!"

"How will you hurt me?"

I couldn't help myself, I start crying out what happened to me. Most of what I said couldn't be comprehended by anyone since my sobs hid or mix words together. Stan wraps his arms around me as he tries to listen. "S-Stan, I don't know what I want to do!" I choke on my words. He wipes my tears with his sleeve. He isn't wearing all the emo stuff, he's normal, my best friend, Stan.

"If I don't accept you, then the wheels will be set in motion." I muse aloud. Stan didn't hear me. "All of this, all of this pain, is because of me?" he asks me. I don't answer him, it's not his fault. None of it is, actually, I just want to make him happy. Can I learn to love him, like he loves me?

"Ky-" I cut him off with a kiss.

His breath still smells like mints.

"Kyle!" he stammers. I continue to give him small kisses on his lips and cheeks. He finally starts kissing back. He brings us up as we make out in the bathroom. I push him into a stall as we continue. I start sucking on his collarbone as he lets out a moan. We both stop as we hear someone coming in.

"Kyle? Stan? Are you in here?" Kenny's voice rings out. We both break out of the stall; we're both disheveled. Kenny raises his eyebrows at the sight of us. "Ahem, well I'll just leave you two then..." he says while turning toward the door. Before he leaves he lets out a laugh. "You must have hit your head pretty hard Kyle..." he lets out while turning toward us. There was a glint in his eye. It was comical and understanding, like he knew this would happen.

Where do we go from here?

I don't know what's going to happen at this point. Will there be happiness, now? Am I destined to be with Stan, at least at this point in my life? I'll find out, I guess.

Unless, of course, this road will have another twist...

_All I hear is her laughter

* * *

_

End of Chapter XI

End of Part One

HDM: This is NOT the end, I actually know now where I'm going with this story...the 'second' part of the story will be more like the beginning, a bit lighter and not _as _dark and angsty. Hope you liked that and the lovely cameos.

XD


	12. Voodoo

Chapter XII

VooDoo

HDM: Even though it's really early for me to upload (not three months!?) Oh, this chapter may be reflected by the music I'm playing (can you say Wham! and old 80s hits?! Yes I have a broad taste in music XD)

PS Did you all notice that the first hit from 3 Days Grace was number 3 on both of their CDs? Then the 2nd hit was the 2 track on both of their CDs? Weird, ne? I have no life T.T;;;

* * *

He blares 80s wave music in the car.

He shops at Hollister.

He has We Didn't Start the Fire on his iPod.

He screams like a girl.

This was just a little taste of the weirdness of Stan. His hobbies and music clash like an obnoxiously bright outfit. He leads me into his room one day after school; we're actually supposed to be working on a report. His room is bare with little pieces of personal items. The room is shaded a faded blue that has lost it's original hue over the years. I have myself a seat on his surprisingly comfortable bed while he starts up his computer. Wow, it's more comfortable than my own bed. I sprawl across the bed while I hear the clicks of the keyboard. I close my eyes for what feels like a second.

"Tired, Kyle?" I hear him call my name. I open one eye to see Stan staring down at me. I let out a yawn and stretch out my back. "What time is it?" I say in mid-yawn. He gives me a soft smile. "It's quarter of five. My parents should be home in a half hour. Are you staying for dinner?" I shrug my shoulders at the question. "I guess..." I respond while sitting up. My head feels light; I must have sat up too fast. I fall back down on my bed.

"Are you ok?" Stan asks me. His expression is written with nodes of concern and sympathy. I roll onto my left but there's no bed there. "Ah!" I let out while trying to grab onto something. I latch onto what feels like Stan's wrist but it was in vain. I fall onto the floor, bringing Stan with me.

"Oww.." I mumbled while Stan says something but my chest muffles him. I try getting up but he won't let me. He looks up at me with a mischievous glint in his eye. He rubs his body specifically against my lower region.

"Stan, what the hell?"

"Come on, can't we mess around a bit?"

"What are you talking-"

Oh yeah, I forgot. We're together. Wow I feel like an ass. He nuzzles my neck with his nose and lips. I feel my cheeks redden at his soft but sensual touch. I let out a moan as he caresses my sides and abdomen.

"Sta-" he cuts me off with his lips. Waves of ecstasy flood through my whole being. He sticks his tongue into my mouth as his danced with my own. I push myself against him, gripping his back. He falls on his back but he doesn't break our kiss. I straddle his hips, not out of lust but to be comfortable. I break the kiss and I start nipping at his neck.

He lets out a gasp; I must have hit a spot he liked very much. He feels up my shirt and massages every part of my chest. His cold fingertips ran across my nipple, making me catch my breath. He starts taking off my shirt. My brain finally wakes up to send a signal of the situation.

"Stan, what about your parents?"

"What about them?"

"We shouldn't...I mean what if they come in?"

"Who cares?"

_"We care..."_

Both of our heads jerk to his doorway to see Randy and Sharon staring at us. Sharon has a shocked expression as Randy's was more of a confused yet angry expression. Stan pushes off of me, making me hit my head. I rub my head and let out an 'ow' inaudibly.

"Downstairs...now..." Randy orders while shutting the door. We both look at each other. What are they going to say? Are they not going to have me over anymore?

"Stan..." I get his attention but I don't really have anything to say.

"Sorry I pushed you so hard..." he apologizes.

"It's okay, it's just your reactive response under such...a circumstance." I justify his action rather robotically. He even senses the lack of emotions despite the situation.

"I'm guessing that's one of your mechanisms under stress, huh Kyle?" he teases me a bit. I blush a bit but then I remember who's downstairs. We both exit the room and carefully walk down the stairs, as if we're sneaking down so they don't notice us.

We take a seat at the dining room table. Randy is at the head of the table and Sharon is to his right. I'm holding my breath, awaiting their judgment. It feels like I have a noose around my neck, awaiting for the final drop before my neck snaps. Randy takes a sip of water, wetting his mouth before he speaks.

"To be honest, Stan, we thought Shelly was going to be the one coming out of the closet, not you." Randy states with a straight face. Stan's eyes widen at his father's words while I try to keep a straight face.

"Face it, she has all the signs, I mean have you seen her lately? We were preparing for her 'coming out' statement but this...this surprised us."

Stan's eyes widen at his father's response. I'm trying to stifle my laugh. Shelly does look like a dyke and she acts like one. I guess college hasn't loosened her tight ass.

I don't know why, but whatever Randy says, it's just hilarious. He could tell me my parents died in a car crash and it would still be funny. Maybe it's his blank and monotonous tone, maybe it's how he reacts psychotically to some things, rather stupid things, but is robotic to more serious events. It's just one of the many things that makes Randy...well Randy.

Stan is appalled at what his father said, and so is his mother. Sharon hits him in the shoulder, hard enough to make him yelp.

"Why did you hit me!?" he cries. I could help but let out a laugh. Stan loosened up a bit while his parents bicker over Shelly's dating. They remember why we're sitting in the dining room and turn to the two of us.

"Dad, this was my decision, I mean Kyle is well...special." he squeaks.

"What happened to Wendy?" Sharon asks him.

"I broke up with her, Mom..." Stan coldly replies, as if this is the thousandth time he was asked this.

"So..." Randy concludes, "Wendy turned you gay..."

Now that I couldn't hold it together; I let out an obnoxiously loud laugh. The laugh continues to be a silly giggle as Stan's cheeks redden. "N-No! Wendy didn't 'turn' me gay!!" he screams out of pure embarrassment,

"Stop laughing Kyle!" I turn to him and I attempt to stifle my chuckles. Randy just shakes his head.

"So who's the woman of the pair?" he asks tactlessly. Stan and Sharon continue to yell at Randy while I turn red from laughing.

It was an awkward but pleasant dinner. Finally, the two of them gave their consent about our relationship but they don't want to see anything...thoughtless. That means no grinding up on one another on the floor. That leaves my parents. Stan suggests that we go over tonight to talk to them but I ask him to push it off to tomorrow. I would rather catch them after they go to the synagogue tonight.

Suddenly, my phone starts ringing System of a Down's Kill Rock and Roll. I know only too well that it's Kenny for it's his ring tone. I flip open my phone with my mouth as it clicks over.

"Hey Ken..."

"You're a fucking asshole!"

"What the hell, dude!?"

"Session, tonight, and you're not even here!! Dude, I could be getting laid but nooo you insisted on practicing!"

Shit, I did forget. I look over at Stan who's watching CSI on Spike TV. Do I bring Stan over to the session or do I leave him here by himself?

"Hold on Kenny..." I respond on the phone while covering it with my shoulder. Stan looks over at me. "What's up?" he asks me.

"I fucked up. I forgot that I was supposed to go over Kenny's to session." I confess my idiocy to the brunette. He smirks a bit, either at my blunder or at Kenny's muffled obscenities on the phone.

"That's not a problem, do you want me to stay here?" he asks me, like he was reading my mind. I can hear Kenny saying something.

"What did you say?" I ask him.

"I said get over here!!" he screams in the phone, causing me partial hearing loss. He hangs up the phone awkwardly as I just stare at Stan.

"I guess you have no choice..." I mutter as I get up.

"Are we staying over there or what?" he asks me.

"Who knows..." I respond coolly.

He grabs my arm, pulling me down on the couch. I look at him awkwardly. "Stan, I'm going to Kenny's...I'm not going halfway around the world." I explain to him.

"I know...it's just..."

"It's just what?"

"Nothing...will I get a call from you tomorrow?"

I ignore the sudden change of topic. Stan's eyes were strained as he forced a smile. Why the sudden change of behavior? We just stared at each other. Is this really how I feel about Stan? Am I gay, or bisexual, or whatever the fuck it is now-a-days? He makes me feel so awkward, but not uncomfortable, like a crush awkward. It's like stepping on eggshells in fear you'll look like a complete and utter ass.

Before he questions anything I pressed my lips against his own. His lips are soft but slightly chapped. I pull away from him and rest my face against his chest. His heartbeat was quickening as it thumped against his chest and against my face. I lift my head and gave him a quick peck on the cheek.

"I'll call you tomorrow when I leave." I answered his earlier question.

He gives me an encouraging smile, as if what ever ailed him has been obliterated. I want to know why he was so skitzy about me going over to Kenny's house. Hopefully it's nothing. I grab my stuff and I start heading out the door. He walks me out of his house and watches me get into my car. He waves to me while I pull out and didn't go back into the house until I was clear out of sight.

I drive up Kenny's driveway and may my way to the door. I knock three times before Kenny answers. He hasn't been feeling too good for the past week, his cheeks are sunken into his face and his skin is botchy. Why did he agree to this when he should clearly be in bed? He lets me in after muttering some more obscenities.

"Oh shit...I forgot my guitar..." I curse under my breath.

"No worries just use the acoustic." Kenny yawns while tuning his bass. I strum a few chords on the acoustic to hear it's severely out of tune.

"So what are you two been doing today?" Kenny purrs while hacking up half a lung.

"His parents saw us together..." I grimace.

"That sucks, what did they say?" Kenny inquires.

"His dad thinks Shelly is gay..." I say lightly.

Kenny busts out into a fit of coughing and laughter. His face was turning blue. He gets up to go to the fridge. He emerges with bottles of Jäger and Jack Daniels. I eye him warily. He pops the cap off of one of the Jack Daniels and sips it contently. "Okay, now we can officially practice."

About an hour later, the two of us were laughing our asses off about some tit joke. Kenny was singing Fire it Up, a Black Label Society, to his Jack Daniel's. Somehow he lost his shirt and we was thrusting the air on the coffee table. Note to self, Kenny's not allowed to drink. He jumps off of the table and onto my lap. I let out a gasp as he straddles me.

"This is fun, we should do this more often!" Kenny yells out while he looks down at me. He starts nuzzling his face into my neck. I push Kenny away but he continues to be affectionate.

"No Ken...stop..." I whine in his ear but I put up little resistance. Everything is a blur. His hot breath is beating against my neck. He digs his pelvis into my groin.

"Ken..." I whisper in his ear while I push him off. He gives me a look but he just nibbles on my ear.

"Come on Kyle, you know you like it." he coos in my ear. I feel my cheeks redden while he rubs his hand on my bulge. I let out a gasp. It's just the alcohol; he isn't normally _this _friendly. I can't get him off of me.

_Or maybe I don't want him to...

* * *

_

End of Chapter XII

HDM: comments, questions, want to join my cult? Tell me and I'll see what I can do...


	13. Cold Shower

Chapter XIII

Cold Shower

HDM: use of the song "Inside of You" by Hoobastank...

* * *

"EXTRA EXTRA! BROFLOSKI IS A FAG!! READ ALL ABOUT IT!"

That was what I came into school the following Monday morning. Everyone had an issue of the Bull-iten and the fatass was grinning ear to ear. I ripped a newspaper out of a freshman's hand to stare at the bold print.

**Those not familiar with the token Jew should be informed that he has the superior complex of a pre-Madonna and takes it up the ass like the bitch herself. Yes, you heard me; he's also a fudge-packing, rainbow-bearing, faggot. This editor has seen exclusive evidence of the Jew's strange love affairs with anonymous men, even some fellow students I wouldn't dare say. **

He wouldn't dare say!? But he can fucking throw this bunch of shit all over the fucking paper!! I crumble up the newspaper and storm towards Cartman. "Well hello, Brofloski, having a _gay_ old time?" he sneers. His beady little eyes twinkle as his fat cheeks almost swallow up the eyes. This yellow-tooth grin is bearing. I slam him up against a locker but he doesn't back down.

"Gee, someone has a dick up their ass..."

"You have no fucking proof..."

"Oh, do I?"

He pulls out photos that have been obviously skewed. They're literally hardcore gay porn stars with my head cut on top of one of them...

"You got to be kidding me..." I cock an eyebrow at the pictures. No one can believe this horrible rendition. "I" have black skin for Christ sake! "Since when I'm black from the neck down?" I ask him sarcastically. His grin didn't fade it only grew wider.

"This is just a supplement until I get harden proof on you Jew."

"Suck my cock Cartman"

"Oh you would like that wouldn't you?"

My anger seethes as I rip up the photo. "No one will believe you..." I state as he eyes the millions of pieces. "This is South Park, Brofloski, there are only retards here. They don't care if it's true as long as that it's ruining someone's reputation. Now if you excuse me, I have to sell one hundred more copies to beat my quota."

"You greedy asshole! The paper is supposed to be free!"

"How am I supposed to make money if it's free!?" he wobbles away towards the glee club. I punched a freshman's locker before storming off toward the bleachers. I started to put my ear-buds in my ear when I see someone's torn up Chuck Taylors. To my unlucky surprise, Kenny is there...as if he was waiting for me. "Morning sunshine! Did we sleep well?" he coos. He wraps his arm around my shoulders my I push him away.

"Touchy, aren't we?" his voice sank a bit. His breath stills smell of the alcohol of last night. Either he's still drunk or he took a little before school. I sit down on the top bleacher and look away from him. He sits right next to me. I move down the next bleacher and he follows suit.

"Are you going to stop acting like a puss and tell me what's wrong?"

"You should know by now!"

"The Cartman thing? Man, no one believes him!"

"No, I mean last night and the shit you pulled!"

"What shit? I drank, I always drink, what shit is that!?"

"Are you telling me you don't remember last night at all?"

Kenny shakes his head. I let out a sigh while rubbing my temples. Should I tell him what happened? Should I reveal that he is a flamboyant horn dog and almost molested me last night? Should I tell him that it would have happened if I didn't lock myself in his bedroom the whole night? No, ignorance is bliss, right? Besides, the wacko may continue the antics sober just to make me uncomfortable.

"Dude, are you okay?" he asks me. I look up at him and nod. His refulgent blue eyes gleam against the newly risen sun. The dirty blonde locks sway in the slight breeze of the winter chill. I force myself to smile just to appease his concerns. It's not his fault that he acts this way; it's my fault that I almost let him have his way.

What stopped me? What even started me? Do I have an urge to cheat on Stan? Why do I want to hurt him when he's the only one that sticks with me. My thoughts are in a swirl of intangible fragments. I try to shake them out of my head but it's no use. I hope to God that this will work itself out because now there's some sort of love triangle going on, almost a classic Shakespeare love affair. The only problem is that the other two in the triangle have no idea they're involved.

"Earth to Kyle!" Kenny screams in my ear. I shove him away from me, almost pushing him off the bleacher. He shoves me harder but I just grabbed his shirt before I went off. He landed on top of my chest as I landed in the half-dead grass. We belt out a laugh. I stretch myself under Kenny while he peers into my eyes.

"Kyle..."

"Yeah?"

"I think...ah fuck it..." he relinquishes any thought he had thought of and just plunges his mouth into my own. I released a yell in his mouth and I try to squirm out of his body. He pressed himself against me even more so.

"What are you doing!?" I scream at him. My cheeks are flushed. This is so wrong but I'm getting a sense of exhilaration. It feels so good to do this...even if this will hurt Stan. Am I so selfish that I will let go of his trust for this rush? Kenny laces his fingers in my own and starts kissing my neck. I let out a gasp.

"You knew about last night, didn't you?" I breathe. He flashes me his signature grin. "I wanted to see how far I could play the alcohol card before you caught on..." he replies cunningly. I am ready to retaliate but he silences me with a kiss. We were in pure ecstasy outside in the cool grass. He feels my torso cleverly with his cold fingers. "Let's go find a closet..." he whispers hoarsely and I quickly obliged. My sexual drive is pumping at this point; there's no logic or morals anymore...just plain animalistic instincts.

We were half naked in the closet, groping one another like blind men trying to find something. All this time my iPod is blaring music to make the moment even more memorable.

_What do I have to do _

_  
to get inside of you? _

_  
To get inside of you? _

_  
Cuz i love the way you move, _

_  
When I'm inside of you._

_  
When I'm inside of you... _

We decide to go to class after that. I couldn't concentrate on my studies or the teachers. I could only think about the amazing time that was and the all too familiar guilt seeping in. Kenny promises that he won't tell a soul, especially Stan but I still can't help but feel he may slip up. Kenny is an ego maniac and he loves having something that no one else should have or possess. In this case, he "has" me when I'm "Stan's". He's very competitive and arrogant.

It's what makes this rendezvous so...exciting.

He's the badass while Stan's the nice guy. You can't help but fall for the badass that's going to fuck you up later down the line. I admit my human weakness but it's too tempting to pass up the opportunity. I mean, I'm bisexual...or gay...or whatever I'm calling it now, I should explore my options before settling on the nice guy. Both Kenny and I know that our relationship is based off of physical repression and sexual drives that we must fulfill. There is no bond or commitment. It's a lovely arrangement.

Should I tell Stan?

What would I say?

"Yeah Stan, funny thing...Kenny and me were making out in the janitor's closet today at school. Don't worry though we didn't fuck...so what are you doing today?"

Sure, that'll go over real well.

I drive Stan home that afternoon with these thoughts piercing my brain. I want to tell him but I just got him to trust me with the relationship. The girls that flirted with me constantly throughout the day already keep him paranoid, now he has to worry about my best friend?

Well, he shouldn't have to worry about other people. I should be "faithful" and stick with him and only him, right? See, I'm not a very committed person. He knows my many girlfriends before him and he even idolized my lack of attachment. But, Stan's a very conservative male.

But I do not recall us being actually...boyfriends. It was never official; we just made out a couple of times. See, I shouldn't have to feel so guilty, I mean I'm not even officially going out with the guy. So, if that be the case, why have I stayed in the car thinking this over in my brain for almost fifteen minutes?

"Kyle? Is something wrong?" Stan blindly asks.

"I had...a thing with Kenny today..."

"What kind of thing?" God dammit Stan, why do you have to be so naive?

"We...made out..."

"..."

I turn to see Stan's eyes glaze over. He looks hurt but oddly calm. "When were you going to tell me?" he asks me solemnly. His voice was abrasive. It makes me almost angry. "I was going to tell you when we got in the house..." I lie. Stan's eyebrows are raised slightly. He's trying to read my face to see if I'm lying.

"Why are you telling me this?"

"You want me to lie to you!?"

"Why is it that you were uncomfortable to just hold my hand in public but you blatantly make out with Kenny at _school_?!"

He has me there. My jaw slacks slightly. "I made out with you in the bathroom! Not in the stall but on the fucking floor!" I snap back. "That's only because Kenny covered your ass!" Stan retaliates. "He was going to take a piss! He had no idea we would be in there...doing that!" I scream.

We sit in the car in silence for a good minute or two. We're waiting each other out and seeing which one will say sorry first. He lets out an exasperated sigh. I am guessing that I win. "Kyle..." he begins. He doesn't even get out his apology. I cut him off with a soft kiss that turns into a full make out session in the car.

Ten minutes later we go into his room and we continue our 'talk'. I do not think we ever settled that dispute. Is it wrong to leave it the way it is?

Kenny's the badass alcoholic.

Stan's the emotional clinger.

Stan has a rocking body.

Kenny's isn't too bad either.

Kenny is experienced.

Stan is innocent.

One is vanilla and the other is chocolate...good thing I like them mixed.

The following weekend there was a party over at Craig's house. Stan decides that he will arrive later in the night so Kenny and I go together. I admit that I had one too many shots of the Vodka. I remember somewhat of screaming the lyrics of 'Teenage Dirtbag' to an empty beer bottle with Craig and Clyde. There was a wet T-shirt contest with the girls and I think I made out with two or three of the girls. It was either a girl or a lamp...

Kenny decided that it would be a great idea to play the game 'Who's in my Mouth?'. Everyone rejects his offer while we played Beer Pong and Body Twister. I played against Kenny the last round and it just ended up being us making out and rolling about on the Twister mat.

Then there was the bedroom...

and Stan walking on me...

with Kenny...

while I was tied up...

gagged and naked...

Stan was extremely mad and wasted. I do not remember him hitting Kenny or if it was a three some...my memory is poor. All I know is that Stan will not return my phone calls. It doesn't help I'm calling from Kenny's room on the house phone.

I think I have a problem...

* * *

End of Chapter XIII

HDM: the Bull-iten does exist! I saw it in an episode of South Park. Sorry for the long update, I got accepted to Tyler School of Art and I have to get my senior prom shit together. I shall be busy for awhile!


	14. Brittle

Chapter XIV

Brittle

HDM: SHORT CHAPTER! (I should be nice after a long update but nope!) 

This is a first for me, I have been called someone's hero. This is dedicated to you Conchshells...hope you enjoy it!

* * *

_Do you even have a soul?_

_You are so selfish..._

_Stepping on everyone to get what you want..._

_Do you even fucking care?_

I awaken in a cold sweat. The same dreams keep circulating through my head. I look over to see Kenny idly sleeping next to me. I haven't heard from Stan in weeks. Am I really surprised? I ripped out the heart of my best friend right in front of his eyes. Sure, I rationalized the hell out of the situation so I look less like an asshole but there's no way out of my situation. I stare at my so-called lover for a good minute. He is in bliss in his thoughts and dreams. His angelic face has no sign of frustration or anxiety, just a small smile.

I throw off the blankets and drag my feet to the carpet. I crack my neck to the left and the right before rising to my feet. I stretch my limbs and let out a small yawn. I hear Kenny stir behind me but I neglect to look back. I leave the room to head for the shower.

_Liar_

_Cheater_

_Non-believer_

When I return to the room, Kenny was up and on my computer. He was looking at his Myspace for a message from Craig. I guess the two do not realize that they can communicate on the phone rather that bandwagon website. Kenny is still trying to put together the band or lack thereof. We have a drug addict drummer and we haven't written any lyrics since God-knows when. I crash on my unmade bed while I hear the clicking of the computer keys. His typing pace is fast and quick while mine is slow and somewhat faulty. Why am I thinking about typing speeds? I must have had too much to drink.

"You don't look good Kyle..."

"I don't feel good, Dude."

"Go get coffee then."

"I think I'll just lay off my hangover."

Kenny ignores my bitterness and continues to do whatever the fuck he's typing. I put on my iPod and listen to a playlist. Flypaper is the first song.

"Start running now

Start running away... "

_a user_

_a deceiver_

_a killer_

My eyelids shoot open and I throw myself up. What the hell are these voices? Kenny ignores me like always. I cannot even look at him. I leave my room and my house without a word. I'm leaving the house in a half-worn band shirt and grungy shorts with Chucks. I look like shit but, as always, I don't give a damn.

I need to see him...

I have to apologize...

Will it stop?

I arrive at his house no sooner I asked the third question to myself. Or, rather I heard the question streaming in the chambers of my brain. I tap on the porch screen for I saw his mother in the living room. She cheerfully greets me in and ushers me to sit on the couch.

"Haven't seen you around here Kyle!" the dysfunctional homemaker chirps. Her Valium is working perfectly.

"I've been busy Mrs. Marsh. Where's Stan?" I cut right to the chase.

"Kyle, you look like death warmed over! Do you want anything?" her motherly instinct ignores my question and feels my forehead. I do feel like shit but that's not my problem right now. "I'm fine, I just need to talk to Stan..." I explain to her, averting her eyes. She shoos me up the creaking stairs and into the dark hallway.

I knock on his bedroom door.

Nothing...

A knock again...

"Who is it?"

My mouth is dried up and felt like sand in my mouth. I croak out a noise. He whips the door open to my surprise. "Kyle!" he is a taken back for a half a second. His fair skin is paler and blotchy. There is a fringe of brown circlets around his eyes, due to either tears or lack of sleep; I'll bet on the second. He crosses his arms but allows me inside. I close the door with my back and uses it to support my body.

"You look like shit..." I hear escape his lips. I look at the mirror that is right behind him. I too do not have any color in my face. My red and black hair is wavy and all over the place, like I put my fingers in the socket. My eyes are dark and the bags are also a dark brown. My lips have no color what so ever. I start biting on my finger...down to the cuticle.

"I've been thinking a lot..."

"That's a first..."

"You mostly..."

"That's cute...why now?"

I stare into his cold yet beautiful blue eyes. They seem so unforgiving, so distant. They are saying 'You hurt me. I don't want you near me. Yet, I let you in my room.' They pang the inside of my heart. I bang my head against the door. One...and another...and one more before I felt his hands around me. I collapse into his arms and I just take in his scent. It was so comforting.

We laid in his bed without a word. I felt him stroke my back every now and then. I felt like I had someone again. But, am I willing to sacrifice my childish wants and sexual conquests for one person? I pick up my head from his chest and just look into his eyes. He caresses my cheek slightly. His fingertips felt like a heavenly chill going up my spine.

"Kyle..."

"I think I love you Stan..."

Stan retracts his hand from my face. Those words, why did I have to say those words he is wondering. Why did I have to mention those words that mean everything and nothing all at once. The words that will make or break you even if you are the strongest of men, the purest of souls, or even the foulest of beasts. Those words, and it was from my mouth.

He has hope, however. I did say 'think' which gives me time to sort out my feelings. It could be the spur of the moment since we've silently reconciled. He has time to not be so quick to hand his heart over to me. He will decide that if he wants to make that choice.

"I love you too, Kyle..."

Or he will decide that now...

I told Kenny what I did soon after that. He gathered up his shit and gave me that irresistible smile. "No worries, we're cool." he says casually. This is the reason I knew we would not last more than a fling. Stan would not let it a fling, Kenny's libido lives off of flings. Maybe I need that stability that Stan throws at me constantly.

I want...him...

The way he caresses my skin when we're intimate sends urges throughout my body. His kisses are soft and passionate against my bare flesh. His hands know what to do, how to please me, and what specific spots that make me wanna...

Explode...

The next day I held Stan's hand throughout the whole day. Even he was shocked of my PDA in the school. I caught glimpse of Cartman hustling a freshman. Before he could speak I whip Stan around and plant a kiss on the raven-haired boy. Everyone was in fucking awe.

I heard Cartman squeak behind me...

* * *

Is this what everyone wants to happen? 

A simple happy ending?

Stan and I go on through high school without a care in the world?

We are in bliss with each other's company?

Even Kenny, there are no qualms?

We are one happy family...

Truth is...

I _will_ fuck this up...

I always do...

Remember...

I'm the fucking _antagonist..._

Of my own God damned story!

That's right...

I will find a way...

To screw this relationship

Even if I didn't intend for it to happen...

Call me a pessimist...

I know the person I am...

And I'm not that lucky to have everything be okay...

So let's just wait and see...

See how long will this last...

_I give it a month...

* * *

_

End of Chapter XIV

HDM: VERY SHORT but I needed it to be...this wasn't a long one because there was one scene I wanted out of this chapter...and I wasn't dragging it for both of our benefits...


	15. Till' Death

Chapter XV

Till Death

HDM: I was working on another storyline with JTHM but my attention span doesn't let me stay on anything for too long so sorry for the wait! This is actually longer than expected! Here is chapter fifteen!

Note here, when I was looking up universities in Colorado for this chapter, I felt like I'm being soo ripped off on college expenses! I have to pay sooo much more because PA is the worst about college fees ...rant of the day here people.

* * *

So, it lasted longer than a month...

Our relationship spanned past high school and way into college. To sum up our senior year, it sucked. No, Kenny and I never entered that concert that we talked about earlier in the year. Yes, you thought that I may have forgotten my whims of being a musician but priorities changed. Craig never really was the same kid after becoming a straight edge so we were permanently out a drummer. Our sophomoric dreams of fame and fortune have ended by a recovering drug addict.

If one person notices anything about South Park, it doesn't appear to be education oriented. Since there isn't even a community college in South Park, the three of us decided to go to Denver.

I decided to go to the University of Denver and took up English as my major and Art as a minor. Kenny went to the Art Institute to study music theory. Stan went to the local tech school and picked up mechanics. Kenny and I lived on campus while Stan got an apartment not too far from the university. It's our junior year of college and there has been little drama.

Then the best news could ever happen for gay couples...save ours...

The governor has allowed a gay "Partnership" to act like a marriage. So guess who wants to get married?

"Stan it's not that I don't want to get married to _you_, I just don't want to be married right now!"

Those weren't the best choice of words on my part. Don't get me wrong I love Stan but I don't know if I can handle being married. That means no more fooling around in the wee hours of the night. It means responsibility in which I'm accountable for my actions. It means a ring around my finger that will constantly remind myself that I am bound to one and only one. It means I have to tell my mother.

"Sounds like you're in a bind...how does this involve me?"

I went to Kenny's dorm right after the blowout, which isn't looking like a good idea. Our relationship is a funny thing, it's filled with caustic insults and sexual innuendos that would make a stranger think _we're _the couple. In fact sometimes I almost forgot that we weren't a couple; we encountered near-kiss experiences during these fights and lonely nights.

Stan is readily insecure about Kenny and I know he has every right to be. I may be in Stan's grasp but Kenny could overturn it any given Sunday. Luckily for Stan he would never come between the relationship. That doesn't stop his flirtations, however.

Kenny cut his hair once college rolled around and grew a little bit of facial. It made him look even older than usual. His eyes and smile, however, stole every girls' and some guys' hearts. I cut off the black but my hair is still longer than my mother approves. I took out my gauges because they got infected but I kept my lip and eyebrow rings. Stan hasn't changed his appearance, which is for the best I guess.

"Kenny, don't you think he's nuts?!"

"You're both nuts that you're still together...he deserves better..." he added with a sneer.

"Aren't you supposed to say I deserve better?"

"No, you're a fucking asshole. Stan's just a sucker for that poster-boy look and solid body...but your personality is pretty rotten."

"Wow, you should be a motivational speaker...you make me want to kill myself..."

"And that cheery outlook on life is making you all the more delectable!"

I sighed in annoyance but I know he's correct. I am an asshole toward anyone close to me. Kenny lets the insults roll down his back and snaps back when I lash out but Stan...Stan takes it and holds onto it for a later day. When that day comes, there will be bloodshed.

"Remember my dearest Kyle, you were the one who told him _you loved him_..."

"I know..." I gritted my teeth.

"You wanted this, you could have had what we had but you chose _'love'_."

"Crucify me why don't you?"

"Face it Kyle, you have no idea what you want and you're dragging poor little Stanley along for the ride."

The way he said his name sent a cold chill down my spine. The argument wasn't turning for the better. How can he make me feel so guilty about something when he _wants_ me for himself? This was all a game to Kenny, and he hates it when he loses. I was regarded as a prize that he cannot obtain.

He pushed me onto his bed gently but enough I fell back on his bed as a gazed up at him. He flashed me a dirty smile. He pressed his hands against my shoulders and leaned in so I was laying on his bed and our bodies were parallel. I pursed my lips and stared wide-eyed.

"You want it..." he licked the tip of my nose playfully. I shook my head at the sensation but my cheeks reddened. He kissed my pursed lips, trying to get me to relinquish to this horrible temptation. I shut my eyes tightly as he continues to kiss me. I would yell at him to stop but I knew he would take the opportunity for an open mouth kiss. I felt no pressure on my shoulders; I opened my eyes to see he was getting his jacket on.

"I'll give you this much, you're much more dedicated than the last time I tried to seduce you..."

"You don't sound too disappointed my friend."

"Let's just say it was a test for the soon to be groom..."

Before I could have lashed out a wave of anger he bolted out of the room, laughing all the way.

Then I visited my mother...

"Do you want to break your poor mother's heart!!"

"Thanks mom...I'm glad you support my decision as a homosexual adult..."

"It's not that! Well I did expect you to marry a pretty little Jewish girl but you're way too young!!"

"And here we go!! It all comes ahead; you don't want me with a Gay Gentile!"

We were at it for a good long hour before we both just stared at one another. My mother, a heinous bitch from the underbelly of Satan himself and I'm her bastard child...who is just like her.

I walked up the old stairwell to my old room to cool off. There were leftover posters hanging on the wall and some books and CDs I left behind when I moved out. I heard someone walk into my room. "Mom I swear to God if you don't leave me alone for a fucking two seconds I'll-" I was cut off by seeing Ike's face.

My younger brother with his messy mop of raven hair just stared at me with his dark eyes. He didn't even look like he should be in high school with his baby face and doe eyes.

"What's going on?" he asked me to be filled in on the details.

"Your brother's boyfriend wants to get married..."

"You say that so fondly. You don't want to be hitched to Stan?"

I bit down on my lip; I was hesitant to answer that question. So, I ignored it and asked, "Don't you think I'm a little too young to get married?" Ike shrugged his shoulders at my question. "That's not the answer I was looking for, Kyle." his voice hardened. I collapsed on my bed and rested my head on my hands. I stared at his shoes while gathering all the information into my skull.

"I don't just love him..."

I can feel my own frustration building inside of me. I grinded my teeth just thinking about the two of them. It was almost impossible for me to not let Kenny...

"You can't choose?"

I looked up to see Ike's unemotional stare. "I did once, I chose Stan because I felt so guilty for what I've done to him and-"

"You feel obligated to be with him..."

It's as if he's read my mind beforehand. I just nodded and cradled my head in my hands. "Why aren't you with Kenny? Oh wait, he's the little trick that will leave you at the drop of a hat." he sneered. In a second I bolted up on my feet. He just smirked. "That's right, that's why you didn't want to be with him. You know he doesn't care about you and will leave you. Because he's an awful person and friend."

"Shut up..."

"Why I don't blame you. I mean he's dirty and poor, he won't make you happy and doesn't care about your life. At least you'll be somewhat happy with Stan, he can at least provide a decent living. You won't be living in the gutter."

I shoved him against my wall. I was seething with anger. "Don't you _ever _talk about him like that again." I threatened, "You have no idea how much he cares to me and you're wrong about him. He does care and he's the best friend I could ever have!" It took all of my strength not to crush his face in. All he did was smile. Why the fuck he he smile?

Then it hit me. He baited me and like a stooge I fell right into the old reverse psychology bullshit. I felt not only embarrassed that my _younger _brother tricked me but also those were the reasons I left Kenny to be with Stan. Now I'm thinking if I should have just apologized to Stan but be with Kenny. Would we make better lovers and Stan and I would be better friends?

"It's too late now..." I mused aloud, "I can't change it now...the wheels are already set in motion."

Ike took a seat next to me and lightly pat me on the back. That was the extent of our intimacy.

"It funny, only a few years back you had these problems with all of your girlfriends."

"Yeah I know...you would think that guys are not as complicated."

"If the two weren't your best friends then most likely..."

"Ike, are you embarrassed by me? I mean you looked up to me when I was straight-"

"Don't try belittling yourself and your orientation; it's not flattering."

I couldn't help but laugh at his quick response. Ike was too smart for his own good; he always was. He doesn't fit into a little redneck mountain town.

"How can we just joke around after something so serious?" I asked aloud. Ike just shrugged his shoulders. "This happened with me and Kenny. We can't stay on a depressing topic for more than a minute. He always plays it off as a joke!"

"Maybe because if he didn't you would go all angst and emo on him...and everyone hates a whiny bitch." Ike stated simply. I felt slightly offended by the answer but it's somewhat true. When I'm not around Kenny it feels like everything is depressing and all full of angst. I wonder why? Out of instinct I looked around my room.

For some reason, I thought I heard someone laughing.

I drove around in my Camero until I found myself into Stark's Pond. I always could come back to this place if I'm feeling unsure about anything. There is no one around so no one can bother me in my moment of solitude. I can feel all of the pressures momentarily go away as I stare across the frozen pond.

I sat in my car and looked around for a pen and paper. I found a pencil and a notepad with a few directions scribbled on a few papers. I made a large 'T' and wrote 'Stan' on the top of the page. I will settle this important decision the old fashion way, a pro-con list. It reminded me of how Kenny and me wrote a list to discover my secret admirer. I laughed at the thought; there was no drama back then.

Okay…onto the list…

Stan has been my best friend since the beginning. He was also my secret crush who was my 'first' kiss. He's reliable and loving. He only wants the best for me and never objects to my ideas or opinions. He loves me and keeps me around even though he could find better. He's forgiving of my mistakes and even gave me a second chance. He is family oriented and someday wants kids or his own. He is my rock and he can pick me up when I fall. Plus he has a rocking body…

However…

Stan is childish when we do fight. He is very insecure and possessive. We do not share many similar interests so communication isn't prominent in our relationship. He is very sensitive and gets angry at a lot of things that don't go his way, where I can see this being a problem later down the line. He forces me into his mold of the perfect lover. I feel suffocated when I'm around him. He doesn't like Kenny or my music.

I ripped that piece of paper and drew another 'T'. This time I wrote 'Kenny' on the top of the page.

Now Kenny…

Kenny has been my best friend since middle school. We share a lot of things in common like our adamant love for music and movie genres. He was actually my first crush. He would let me talk about anything I had a problem with and would always make me feel better. He always saw the lighter side of everything. In his twisted way he loved me his own way, the way you don't show off your love for all to see but secretly so that only that one person knows. I am also more attracted to Kenny because of those eyes and smile…and the sex was great.

On the other hand…

Kenny is undependable and gets bored easily with relationships. I don't know if he would stay with me longer than a couple of months let alone be married. He doesn't want a family and thinks having kids are a burden. He jokes around too much sometimes. He's apathetic and is full of himself, even more so than I am. He's arrogant and can be a prick when he wants to be. It would be a risk to be with him because I will be more hurt if he left me. Also, the money thing is a problem because you never know if we _are _stuck in the gutter…

So…

Kenny or Stan…

Stan or Kenny…

I think it should be…

No no, maybe…

No wait…ugh…

Who should I choose!?

"Mr. Brofloski? We're waiting…"

"Huh? What?"

"Do you take your husband through sickness and in health, till death do you part?"

"……I do."

"By the power invested in me by the state of Colorodo, you may kiss your husband…"

* * *

End of Chapter XV

HDM: cliffhanger!! Muahahhaa I'm so evil. Who did he marry?? You can review and tell me your thoughts; I may consider them lol just kidding.

X-D


	16. Writers Block

Chapter XVI

Writer's Block

HDM: I couldn't wait to write this, actually Faery Goddyss gave me an idea but I do believe this will take the take of plot twists. It was a way to get my views out on not only my fanfictions but this whole South Park section in general. Don't be mad, I'm just making poor jokes.

* * *

Objective POV

"Kenny that must be the worst story I have read in my entire life!!!!!"

"What, being hated by every person on the planet doesn't make you happy?"

"No the fact that all of that happened because Stan kissed me..."

The two were staring at the fifteenth chapter on titled 'Burning Butterflies'. They found the website accidentally while searching for librarian pornography. They found a whole section on their little town of South Park. They didn't know how many people lack a social life to write so many stories about them. They found many, however, were 'slash'.

"Why am I always with Stan?!"

"Why am I always a horny bastard?!"

"Kenny...that's not too far from the truth..."

"Dude, shut up..."

Then they read Burning Butterflies. The summary was confusing enough but it did intrigue the characters. Soon they found themselves in a story that someone who was bipolar and had no outline concocted. The first few chapters were light and somewhat funny. It was filled with pop culture references and 'emo' bashing. Then once the romance hit it turned a dark corner. Kyle became utterly insane and has delusions; but like someone going changes their mind halfway in the story 'starts over'. The writer again starts with some light romance but hints at more drama brewing. Then instead of going insane Kyle plays the two other characters and is left saying his vows on the alter.

The most astonishing thing about this fanfiction is the character of Kyle. He is the most destructive and out of character not only in the story but most of the fanfictions. Kenny and Stan stayed in their 'character' boundaries but Kyle was an enigma. At first he was a normal teenage prick but no one really hated his actions. At the end you just have to read these reviews! The readers want to draw blood! He must be the most hated main character so far.

"They really hate me, huh?"

"They don't hate you, Kyle, they hate the author's rendition of Kyle!"

"I mean what she wrote wasn't that extreme- hey wait why am I so infatuated with you!?"

"I don't know she must like me more..."

Kyle scowled out of jealousy. "I mean I am the main character and all..." he mumbled out of the corner of his mouth. Kenny chuckled to himself while closing out the window. "I read her Insanity Bleeds; that is fucked up my friend. But, I kind of liked it in a maniacally creative way. It's kinda cool that I killed my old man...but the ending could have stayed without the epilogue."

"You wanted me dead!?"

"You wanted Stan dead?"

"Better than me..."

The two laughed at the idea. "I couldn't imagine you going insane, Kenny...since you are already there..." Kyle sneered while scrolling through the rest of the fanfictions. There was many that were basically the same scenario. Most of the stories were slashes of Kyle and Stan, Kenny and Butters, and the list goes on. Nine out of ten the main character has romantic feelings of the same sex.

"These girls don't have much of an imagination..."

"I wonder why there are limited straight couples?"

"Maybe we should ask..."

They went on XxHDMxX's profile and found the link to message her. They made up the clever penname HotnSaucyJew (which was Kenny's idea obviously) so she can message back without there being any problems. Kenny took the liberty of writing the letter. Here was the message:

_Dear HDM,_

_Why are all of you authoresses so hung up on gay couples?? Is it pure coincidence or do you guys get hot over the idea of two guys butt fucking? We decided to ask you because you seemed like you have a humorous side and you're doing it out of pure majority rules; it showed in Insanity Bleeds. We're asking you this because we are really concerned about how most of you are portraying these lovable characters! I'm not saying that some of it isn't far from the truth (Kyle is pretty gay...) _

"Hey!"

"What?"

"Erase that asshole! I'm not gay!"

_and we understand that you're unleashing your creative juices but it's really not so creative. Sure you're using South Park as a basic front but I notice that one could take your story, change the names of the characters, and it would go perfectly fine on its own. _

_Why are you girls haters on straight couples? I can't be straight!! Kyle can be gay though...that's okay._

"Cut it out Ken."

"What it's funny..."

"No it's not..."

_Alright not Kyle...Cartman can because apparently no one likes him in these parts. All we want to know is why is everyone so gung-ho on imagining us stripped down and getting freaky?? I mean I am a sexy beast but who wants to see Kyle... never mind I'm not going to finish that. I hope you can answer this and not take it to heart like most of these bitches will probably...yes I said it bitches. God I saw a couple of reviews I mean you're not even allowed to make fun of a group of kids! Christ, that IS the whole storyline of South Park, isn't it? The crackpots Matt and Trey do it all the time but you're not!? What the fuck this isn't Passions people..._

_Snoogins_

_Kenny McCormick and Kyle Brofloski_

Before Kyle could delete all the jokes about him Kenny clicked on the 'Send' button and it went right to her inbox.

"Well I hope you're happy." Kyle mumbled under his breath.

"Actually I am, glad you asked." Kenny grinned as an added bonus of sarcasm. Kyle rolled his eyes and started walking out of his room. Kenny followed suit like an obedient puppy dog.

Later that night the two checked Kyle's email to see that she responded to their message. It read:

_Dear HotnSaucyJew,_

_First let me say our penname made me laugh. _

"Told you it was a good name..."

"Shut up Kenny..."

_I'm not sure if I'm understanding this but you guys _are _the real characters from South Park? Correct me if I'm wrong but I thought this was a cartoon. I'm going to play along because I'm in a good mood and humor you guys. To tell you the truth I really cannot say why in the world so many fanfictions are gay romances, predominently Stan and Kyle. Like you mentioned in your saucy way (had to throw 'saucy in there sorry), it is probably because of a secret fetish. I personally think that gay couples are very cute but I don't want to see any couple humping each other in pure public. _

"I KNEW IT!"

"Knew what?"

"Girls love gay men! It's a catch 22 my friend..."

"Scroll down..."

_True, I should just make up my own stories but how could I leave my adoring fans? Yes, I did give into my readers in Insanity Bleeds and I almost wish I didn't but it was too grim for even my liking. That is why I wrote Tale of Two Cynics, it's much lighter and it's actually a girl and a guy! Shock shock and all that jazz yes but I do enjoy it. _

"Yeah and her favorite character is going to get some action!"

"Kenny, I read that and so far only Stan and that freaky Goth kid got it on..."

"..."

_Lastly, to answer your last statement, I do get amused at the reviews telling me how MCR isn't emo and I shouldn't make fun of other groups. At first I put a disclaimer but I'm tempted to take it off. One shouldn't have to apologize for making a damn joke. It's also funny how people get 'offended' when it isn't directly making fun of them. If you're offended then that means you believe that the stereotypes are true, aren't I right? Thank you for reading my story, I hope that I can finish it not the way everyone wants but the way it should be finished._

_P.S. love the Jay and Silent Bob quote. _

_Love the Always Glorious,_

_HDM_

"Well she was nice..."

"Kenny, you think anyone who smiles at you is nice..." Kyle pointed out.

"But she was, and I bet some of her readers are too..." Kenny pouted.

"Whatever, I'm going to bed..."

"What? It's not even ten yet!" Kenny objected.

"I know but knowing a whole legion of people either think I'm a flamboyant homosexual or hate my guts is very taxing on a person. You can stay over if you want...pull out my extra crap and make yourself a bed"

The two switched on the TV and watched a couple of random episodes on HBO and some Superman porn. Kyle clicked off the TV and situated himself on the bed. He closed his eyes but he knew his friend would ask him something, delaying his long awaiting slumber.

"Kyle?" Kenny chimed as if on cue.

"What?" Kyle responded with a hint of annoyance.

"What if we are gay? I mean what if it's something that has been locked away in our brain that isn't tapped into unless it's a thought that provokes it?"

Kyle propped himself up with his elbow and looked down. He can barely make out his friend in the dark so he cannot tell if he's serious.

"How do you know? I mean do you experiment? I want to know if I'm gay...wouldn't you? Do you think that's how it is?" Kenny sounded sincerely concerned.

"Maybe? I don't really know..." Kyle awkwardly answered.

"You want to find out?" Kenny whispered.

'Is he really asking what I'm hearing??' Kyle thought frantically. There was a long and awkward pause broken by a familiar cackle. Once he heard his friends obnoxious laughter he become agitated with not only Kenny but almost believing him. "I can't believe you actually fell for the hock of shit!" he took in a breath between his laughing.

"You're a fucking asshole..."

"You know you love me buddy..."

"You wish...good night..."

* * *

End of Chapter XVI

HDM: technically not a chapter in Burning Butterflies main storyline but you know what I mean...I don't want to break it up and get confused. Kind of short...sorry?

Now is this the end? I wouldn't want to leave you guys like this but I really don't know how I want to...any ideas?


End file.
